# IRS Agent



## The Auditor (Apr 2, 2006)

Heh heh...I love it...

You'll need a suit. Charcoal or navy. Black, if you want...though I'm the only one at work who wears a black suit (it is more intimidating, though). If you have long hair, wear it up -- tight bun, twist, whatever. Glasses, sure, especially if worn somewhat down your nose. You'll need an ID badge too -- easy enough -- you could use the kind worn around your neck, but some of us have badge wallets, that you can flash like, well, a badge, when you identify your victim.

You'll need a briefcase. Inside the case, you'll need a calculator, of course, preferably the kind with a tape...and lots and lots of tape with numbers. Files, thick, with the names of your guests on them, indicating that yes, we really do know everything about you. And you could throw in a severed arm or leg, since that's what you took from your last audit once you found what he was hiding....

Attitude -- very serious, stern, even grim. Suspicious. Make lots of eye contact, look like you're looking into them. Ask questions, respond with things like "mmhmm", and "I see" in such a way that it doesn't sound good. At some point, you'll want to use the phrase from my signature line. Make it clear that you know they're hiding something, that you already know what it is, and that yes, you will make them pay. Dearly.

Of course, real auditors aren't like this (well, most of us, anyway)...but so what? This is the stereotype, and the stereotype is the fear.

I want to see pictures!


----------



## The Auditor (Apr 2, 2006)

OH! Make sure one of the files is labeled "Mom"


----------



## Madame Turlock (Nov 2, 2007)

Auditor, I think you need to add a pocket protector and one of those mechanical pencils don't you? Maybe some Visine for eye-strain.


----------



## Skullie (Apr 22, 2008)

You might want to add a few shirts off the backs of your last customers. They sure have mine in there.


----------



## natascha (Jul 21, 2004)

Great ideas. Now that I know what 'the Auditor' stands for I am SCARED!!!

At first I was thinking about the MOM file, with my Mom having died, but then I remembered it is not My Mom, but my character's Mom.

Now I need to come up with a good name such as when I was the Medical Examiner my Name was 'Betty Stiffins' ...Doctor during Space Oddisy 'Dr. Roz Well' Gravedigger 'Phil D Plotz' Etc.


----------



## rnrkid (Jun 3, 2008)

You could probably through in the old "arm and a leg" from your last audit. 
How 'bout an adding machine that only types 6's.
Carefully singe the suit because you're a dead IRS agent, and we all know where they end up.


----------



## The Auditor (Apr 2, 2006)

natascha said:


> Great ideas. Now that I know what 'the Auditor' stands for I am SCARED!!!


muhahaha...Face your Fears!! 



Madame Turlock said:


> Auditor, I think you need to add a pocket protector and one of those mechanical pencils don't you? Maybe some Visine for eye-strain.


Nono, no pocket protectors...we're numbers folks, not techies!  3SpookyChicks is an accountant...do you really see her wearing a pocket protector? Besides...now we have laptops...(Mechanical pencils are the BEST though....)



Skullie said:


> You might want to add a few shirts off the backs of your last customers. They sure have mine in there.


Which explains your avatar!  (Good idea!)



rnrkid said:


> Carefully singe the suit because you're a dead IRS agent, and we all know where they end up.


You would think so, and in fact, this used to be the case. Then one of us died, and upon arriving down there, started nosing about, demanding to see all the receipts, and you wouldn't BELIEVE what he found! Well, end result, Hell Itself spat him back out, and since that day, we don't die. At our life's end, we join the Undead...just like all the other bloodsuckers out there.


----------



## nightbeasties (May 22, 2008)

Based on stereotype of fears, you could add horns to the costume.  No offense, Auditor!

I haven't had bad experience with IRS... in fact a few years ago I was told I owed money, and asked for an extension... and they sent me an apology because it was their error. I thought that was pretty dang cool. 

These horn barettes are handy and available online.. easier to use than the kind you attach, if you don't need super-realism.

Like these. http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/goldeneragirl/horns.jpg


----------



## MHooch (Jun 15, 2007)

I have nothing to add but my laughter!!!!!!


----------

