# Would you invite this person again?



## mamadada (Aug 18, 2008)

if she didnt apologize for her behavior to u last year immediately when she saw you the next time and say she didnt understand what got into her i would not invite her, unless shea your supervisor and if so i wouldnt have invited her in the first place. shell only male everyone uncomfortable and everyone will be watching her deink and waiting.


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## Helena Handbasket (Oct 21, 2012)

Don't invite her. She should be able to figure out why.


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## Palladino (Aug 29, 2013)

I don't think you can invite her with conditions. Perhaps she realizes that she made a fool of herself last year and was a terrible guest. Maybe she was embarrassed afterwards. It seems rude to invite everybody but her. Not that you owe her anything. She screwed up and you and your wife had to do damage control. But do you think she deserves another chance? Doesn't everybody?


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## matrixmom (Oct 29, 2010)

Dont invite her. I usually dont invite co-workers. How well do you know them? Not really well, right?


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## Pumpkin5 (May 17, 2012)

I would say no....just because if she did cause all that trouble and then did not have the good manners to personally apologize to you and your wife, she doesn't deserve a second chance. Sure everyone makes mistakes, but to make a mistake and then not be remorseful and apologize, then the responsibility it is definitely on her.....I say NO WAY.


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## Hilda (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow. I don't envy you. This is awkward.


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## HexMe (Jul 23, 2009)

I definitely wouldn't invite her. Considering she was willing to drive herself home last year (if she didn't pass out) she could actually be successful in doing so this year in the while in the same state. She could get someone killed.


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## TJN66 (Oct 7, 2011)

Nope...I would not invite her. Actions have repercussions...she just found out what they are.


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## Stochey (Sep 22, 2009)

I provide alcohol and let everyone know that they are welcome to stay the night if they want to bring their own pillow and blanket. Someone bringing their own alcohol is very welcome. Lots of people get drunk and laugh a bunch but thats really all. Maybe she was used to parties like mine. We never drive anyone home or take their keys from them (anymore, we did it once and someone screamed at me a bunch about it so no more, everyone is an adult and they should know their limit... I'm not their momma).

It would depend on the 'scene' she made. Was she really rude to anyone or did she just giggle and stumble? If I was ok with how she actually acted at the actual party, then I would invite her.


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

Had practically the same experience with a friend/coworker at our first party. He drank on the way over from his own personal bottle of Yager, passed out drunk, work up and acted quite strange and tried to continue to drink. We kept him at our house as long as we could trying to sober him up and keep him from driving drunk, and it not only made our party much more stressful for us worrying over this, and we were really freaked out about the possibility of him hurting someone or himself on the way home (made him stay until around 5 in the morning, plying him with food, water and coffee).

We discussed several months out about what to do at our next party, and as he was a friend, my husband had a serious talk with him that if he became that drunk again, we were duct taping him to the tree in our backyard and letting him sleep it off. He apologized and behaved himself at the following party.

A friend gets a second chance, but if it hadn't been a friend, there is no way I'd ever have that person back in my house.


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## Erzsébet (Sep 16, 2013)

If she did not apologize or show any sort of remorse, I would not invite her. It's your party, you have no obligations towards misbehaving people. If she is so ashamed she just wants to forget it does not save her, alcohol is not an excuse for that.

We have people drinking sometimes quite a lot in our parties, but we are such a tight-knit group so there is no awkwardness and no one is aggressive/rude etc.. Last year we had a new friend attend to our party, and he did have a bit too much to drink, and kinda made a silly scene..nothing serious but still. He was so ashamed and apologized like a million times and felt so sorry because he thought I would never invite him again...  But I know he learned his lesson and he did get an invite this year. Tho everyone reminds him like once a week about his behavior...


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## hallowicked (Mar 27, 2013)

Question. Does everybody at your work expect to be invited to a party every year?
Invite who you want. If she comes to you personaly and asks why she was not invited, give her the reason why. If she then apologizes, invite her. If there is a repeat preformance call her a cab and send her home.


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## Baron Samedi (Jan 15, 2009)

Invite her... you could turn the den into a drunk tank and lock her in there until she sobers up enough to drive herself home..
The inevitable cries, howls of protest and unholy curses will add atmosphere to your Halloween party..


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## rosella_au (Sep 23, 2010)

I agree with the majority, don't invite her. As hallowicked said, if she comes to you and asks, explain the situation and of she seems genuinely apologetic, then u may want to reevaluate


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## ice456789 (Sep 10, 2013)

From her point of view, she may have been so embarrassed the next day that she didn't want to talk to you. HOWEVER the fact that she didn't apologize ever means that either she does not think her behavior was worthy of apology (wrong) or that she doesn't respect you enough to offer it. A party is for having fun, not causing you stress. If you think that someone showing up to your party causes more stress than fun, then don't invite that person. 

As for how you tell her when it comes up, just say "I don't know Sally, last year was such a mess and it was really an inconvenience to us." Use vague terms like saying "last year was such a mess" instead of "YOU were such a mess" so you are not directly assigning blame or guilt to her but the message hits home. That way you can continue to work together without there being an issue.


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## Ghouliet (Nov 5, 2010)

You are under no obligation to invite anyone to a party you want to give. Considering her behavior last year if it were me. I would not invite her. I would discreetly pass out invitations to those I would like to come so as to not rub her face in the fact she is not getting one. If she discovers she has not been invited and asks about it, I would simply say we have limited the number of guests this year.


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## Jenn&MattFromPA (Sep 4, 2013)

Unfortunately, I think things get more complicated than just "invite or don't invite" because you work with this person. I don't know what kind of work environment you have, but if there is a possibility of gossip or other fall-out from inviting everyone BUT this one coworker, then I'd rethink your strategy. Perhaps your invitation can specify "No Alcohol Permitted" if that is something that you & your wife agree with. Just that note on the invitation may be enough to dissuade someone who wants to party in that way. 

I would be concerned that if other coworkers - even if they know about the fiasco from last year - feel "bad" for this woman not being invited when everyone else is, that it could result in some negative feelings towards you. I would want to keep my work environment as comfortable as possible, so with that in mind, do you have another coworker who might live closer to this woman that you could pull aside and casually say something to, like "Hey, Jack, I don't want to make a big deal out of something, but last year we had some trouble with Mary drinking too much at our party & needed to drive her home. We wanted to do that to keep her safe, but it caused some issues for us with clean up. I'm planning to include her again this year since we invite all our coworkers, but I'm wondering if I could count on you to drive her home if things were to get out of hand?". 

Believe me, I definitely think this woman was in the wrong - at the very least, she should have sincerely apologized to you. But, since she is a coworker and you may be stuck with her for years to come, I'd lean towards keeping the peace at work. 

Good luck with your decision!


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## ChrisW (Sep 19, 2006)

Thank you for all of the thoughtful responses. we'll have to give them some serious consideration before we decide.


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## tgoodman (Sep 25, 2009)

I had a similar situation with a guy I USED to work with who was invited to our party 3 years ago. I hadn't seen him in several years & we had reacquainted on Facebook so I sent him an invite. Lo and behold, and unbeknownst to me, he's a raging alcoholic as well as a pervert. He was seen trying to secretly photograph the breasts of all the women at the party who were in scantily clad costumes and got so drunk we had to carry him out to his car, where his wife drove him home. He actually sent me an email apologizing for his drinking but not the photography. He has never been invited back. You don't need unpredictable people at your parties, especially those with drinking problems. If your coworker never apologized or even thanked you for the care you took of her, she hasn't earned the privilege of being invited back, in my opinion.


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## Pretty Little Nightmare (Aug 12, 2013)

Don't invite her and don't feel bad about it! You have nothing to feel guilty about even if everyone else is invited. If she says something (which from your story I doubt she would), tell her why...and don't offer to invite her if she apologizes. It sounds like she can't handle her booze and I highly doubt that she would change her habits this year.


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## Pumpkin215 (Jul 31, 2013)

Your home = your rules. You should feel under no obligation to invite her to your home again.

I agree with everyone that said IF she apologized, then MAYBE consider it. Have you had much interaction with her over the past year?

Two summers ago, I accidently got wasted at a friend's Labor Day Picnic. I didn't eat a lot, drank a pitcher of sangria which eventually resulted in me falling out of a lawn chair. I had enough couth to be embarrassed and got a ride home quickly afterwards. (I was 31 at the time and it wasn't even 5:00 p.m. Plenty of reasons for me to feel humiliated).

I called my friend the very next day and apologized profusely. She didn't care and pointed out that I was not the first nor would I be the last to be drunk at her house. However, I was still mortified at my behavior.

If your co-worker didn't have the decency to apologize for her behavior and the trouble she caused, then I think she does not deserve and invite back.


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## hauntedgraveyard (Sep 8, 2008)

If you are speaking terms with this woman, I would suggest a frank discussion.

This sort of behaviour in front of colleagues can be terrible for a career. You can tell her flat out that her behavior was embarrassing and in order for her to be invited back history cannot be repeated. If she truly understands that this can be her chance to redeem herself. I am sure she has been the target of gossip of the past year. 

I


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## ConversationFear (Jul 12, 2012)

Were you ever in a social situation with this woman prior to this party? If so, has she ever done this before? I'm going to be honest, I've made a drunken a** out of myself before - almost everyone I know has at some point in their lives. This could have very well been an isolated incident that she was SO incredibly embarrassed about afterwards, she was afraid to say anything and thought it best to just let it go.

My guess is she may have felt anxious in a new social situation and tried to acquire some liquid courage to cope - but unfortunately, that kind of crutch for the evening almost always ends up a sloppy mess. You can invite her if you want, but my guess is one of two things is going to happen - either she will not even go because of what happened last year, OR if she does show up, she will hardly drink ANYTHING because she will be so afraid of repeating her performance.

...Or I could be totally wrong, and she's a totally inconsiderate drunk who will do the exact same thing no matter where she goes or who she is with.


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## Jules17 (Aug 31, 2010)

Would definitely not invite that person back
...ever. We invite quite a lot few ppl from work and we're all great friends and we never invite ppl that are known for drama or gossiping. Anyone that has drunken antics may get teased a bit by everyone but we all just laugh about it. What happens at the party stays at the party.


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## mysterymaiden (Aug 11, 2008)

I agree with the others - I wouldn't invite her back. If she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed about her actions the year before, she will probably do it again. You don't need that much drama when you're trying to provide a great time for your guests. Party hosting is an art, and it's a very kind thing to do to invite others into our homes and go through the effort and expense to provide that experience for them - some people just don't get that. She clearly doesn't.


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## ice456789 (Sep 10, 2013)

Definitely don't invite her back. 

Send her to my party.


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## pir8p3t3 (Oct 24, 2012)

I would be careful. I still take keys, and if they do not like it, they don't have to come. In this state anyway, unless something has changed, if you have a party and serve alcohol and they leave your party and get into an accident, you can be held liable. I am sure that other co workers saw what was happening as well and may not be comfortable coming to your party if she made a big scene last year. Just my 2cents


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## Halloweenie1 (Sep 28, 2008)

Nope....and let it go.


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## ChrisW (Sep 19, 2006)

pir8p3t3 said:


> I would be careful. I still take keys, and if they do not like it, they don't have to come. In this state anyway, unless something has changed, if you have a party and serve alcohol and they leave your party and get into an accident, you can be held liable. I am sure that other co workers saw what was happening as well and may not be comfortable coming to your party if she made a big scene last year. Just my 2cents


Yep, that's the law in our state as well.

Update - No, didn't invite her, and no, don't feel bad about it.


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## JennWakely (Jun 19, 2012)

I had the same problem, only worse. she failed to notice (or didn't care) there were young people there. My kids and their friends. she got drunk, did disgusting things with her date on the dance floor, and stayed way after everyone else while we were cleaning. obviously the party was over, and she wouldn't leave. I won't invite her again.


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## bettyboop (Jul 24, 2010)

I'm sure this was not the first time that this happened with the co-worker. No, I would not invite her again and she will not be surprised. Too stressful for you and your other guests. She probably will be relieved.


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## CherryBrandy79 (Nov 20, 2013)

I would not invite that person again! That was just rude! You should not have to baby sit any of your guests. You should be able to mingle and have fun and at the end of the party RELAX, clean up if you need to and look back on the fun had!!! I invite some of my co-workers but there is a couple I know wont come so I don't bother to invite them. They know about it and know that they are welcome but they don't actually get an invite.


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## Hoopah1972 (Jul 4, 2011)

is she hot? Haha


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## Castart (Aug 29, 2010)

I would take into account her behavior over the year. She was a new employee last year, so you should have a better feel for her. However, is she never owned up to the behavior then that would be a big negative indicator.


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