# It Happens EVERY Year!!!!



## Hillrat6 (Oct 2, 2006)

The party is a week from tomorrow (*gasp!*), and I've sent out invitations to over 80 people, via Facebook, e-mail and snail mail. As of today, only 22 people have responded (and eight of those were "no's"). This happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR and EVERY SINGLE YEAR it stresses me out.  Why is it so difficult to RSVP? It's not like I live on a deserted island with no power, no mail service and no telephone!!  Just needed to vent. Grrrr.


----------



## Addicted2Boo (Jul 19, 2009)

I always just send out a quick email or addition to my evite that requests a response because I want to make sure I have enough food and ALCOHOL. That usually entices people to respond. This year I sent out to 84 people and only 6 did not respond. Hope that helps.


----------



## Hollows Eva (Sep 29, 2011)

I know this happened to me as well. They come up with all sorts of excuses, the favorite this year is " oh i dont think i got the mail" People are idiots sometimes.. Some wait just in case something better comes along -those types are not on my lists anymore. Id rather have a party with 15 good friends who appriciate my efforts than spend more time trying to invite people who previously didnt reply or replyed to late.


----------



## ZombieSlayerMummy (Oct 3, 2011)

I am with you! So frustrated by lack of RSVPs and I also specifically asked for a response! The RSVP by date is tomorrow...we'll see what happens. I agree, they are waiting to see if something better comes along. Next year we will only be inviting the people who have responded. We invited about 45 people and have a grand total of 20 responses, 3 of which are "maybe".  We will have a ton of fun with the people who are attending. At this point I just want to rescind the invitation to everyone else, but I know I can't really do that!


----------



## jakiedoodle (Sep 17, 2011)

in the same boat.....Invited about 40-45 people, got 20 or so RSVP's. It's very frustrating! The way I look at it, the people who are coming will have a great night and scr** the ones that don't have the decency to at least reply. Uggh.


----------



## jenscats5 (Oct 16, 2010)

I also read a food related message board & this is a HOT topic!! I (and most) people just don't "get" why people don't RSVP....it's terribly vexing...


----------



## yummum29 (Oct 22, 2008)

I hear ya. We actually wrote on the invitation "please please RSVP by Oct 15th (party is Oct 28) because we need to know numbers for food and alcohol. We had 6 couples reply . They were the yes's that come every year, and RSVP every year. We had invited 20 couples . I ended up phoning everyone. Their reply was "oh, sorry, I've been meaning to call" One of them - a good friend- actually told me via text that she has been invited to another one (she was all excited about mine and told me she had nothing planned when I gave it to her) So they are coming to mine "for a bit". Probably to get the free shooters and food and then move on to whatever is after. Awesome. I think I need a break from the parties. I am getting bitter.


----------



## Haunt Brewing (Sep 26, 2010)

I feel you! I have 35 people that have not told me one way or another. At least I have 20 that are coming. So it will still be good. Means I get to make less food and less drink but still have a great time!
Good luck with yours.


----------



## MHooch (Jun 15, 2007)

I'm glad to see that this is not just a Virginia problem. When did society get so *RUDE*?? Do the attendees not realize that I don't want to spend money on food and drink for people who are not even coming, and have tons of stuff left over? _OR_ that I don't want to run out of food and drink if I underestimate? Too bad I can't read their minds and telepathically determine if they will be there or not  *SO FRUSTRATING!!! *
We have started "weeding out" the non-RSVPers, too, but at this rate....there will be no one left to invite!! LOL 

What ever happened to manners??


----------



## Shadowbat (Sep 27, 2009)

I stopped with the RSVP thing. No one does it. Even for the Facebook invite I only got 3 people to respond even though all showed. We've always had at least 75% of our guest list show anyway.


----------



## MissMandy (Apr 18, 2011)

Sadly, I'm with ya'll. We invited 40-45 people: As of now, 15 are in attendance (incuding me and the hubs), 2 maybe's, 11 no's and 12 that have yet to respond.....and the rsvp was yesterday. Quite frankly, it pisses me off to the core  Aside from 2 people, everyone invited is on facebook, so I just make an event on there. I post reminders on the event page and even sent pm's to those who haven't responded....still nothing! And these are people who log in every dang day! Amazes me how lazy and rude people are these days. I will NOT be inviting the non rsvp'ers next year! I'm half tempted to send them pm's and give them a little piece of my mind


----------



## davidsdesire (Sep 4, 2011)

i agree with y'all but what happened to manners was the 60's! that's when it became cool to thumb our noses at societal conventions.

we invited the entire staff of a nursing home and NO ONE has rsvp'd. Just makes me sick.


----------



## Halloween Scream (Sep 29, 2010)

I'm so sorry for everyone struggling with RSVPs! This is so frustrating to me too. I can't understand why people won't do such a simple task. I think people are afraid to say "no" in today's society, and instead they'd rather ignore things/pretend like they never received the information. I respond to invitations immediately, especially if I can't make it! My only advice is that I have started to pressure people a little bit over the years for RSVPs so now many of my close friends are getting better because they know how much is bugs me. And I have no problem flat out asking people as the date gets closer.


----------



## Lea32R (Oct 16, 2008)

Yeah I know, I've currently got 11 maybes on Facebook and 25 "not replied". Um, hello, I need to know how much food to cook?! Grrr!


----------



## The Auditor (Apr 2, 2006)

A thought for those that invite via Facebook...I get so many of these d**** things, most of which aren't actual events but ads from businesses or "taking place everywhere cure your karma" happenings that I've grown immune to FB invites - don't even notice them. I can't be the only one. 

This does not excuse the lack of RSVPing, just a suggestion that you may want to try another avenue for invitations.

And of course, the above suggestion has nothing to do with those that don't RSVP when the invitation is sent by any other medium.


----------



## MissMandy (Apr 18, 2011)

The Auditor said:


> A thought for those that invite via Facebook...I get so many of these d**** things, most of which aren't actual events but ads from businesses or "taking place everywhere cure your karma" happenings that I've grown immune to FB invites - don't even notice them. I can't be the only one.
> 
> This does not excuse the lack of RSVPing, just a suggestion that you may want to try another avenue for invitations.
> 
> And of course, the above suggestion has nothing to do with those that don't RSVP when the invitation is sent by any other medium.


That is true. But they have no excuse when I send them pm's lol.


----------



## Zombiegirl1 (Oct 22, 2007)

I would take the no answer as a NO. Its the same thing. I know several people who are always checking their emails/texting the whole time they are supposed to be doing something w/you like going out to eat etc. So when they dont ans email I know they got it. The darn blackberry is glued to their hand. They just dont feel like responding, or are waiting to see if something better comes along. So you count them as a no. If they show I would tell them there is not enough food bc you didnt rsvp/respond to email. If it runs out, guess who is the first person you will ask to make a pizza run?


----------



## Maxiboots (Aug 31, 2010)

I am with Hallows Eva on this one. I would rather have a party with 12 or 16 people who are happy to be there than 30 who only came because there was nothing better to do on that evening. Over the years that I have thrown parties (not just Halloween) I don't invite someone back who did not care enough to let me know they could not come to a party. By now I always have 100% RSVP.


----------



## MissMandy (Apr 18, 2011)

Zombiegirl1 said:


> I would take the no answer as a NO. Its the same thing. I know several people who are always checking their emails/texting the whole time they are supposed to be doing something w/you like going out to eat etc. So when they dont ans email I know they got it. The darn blackberry is glued to their hand. They just dont feel like responding, or are waiting to see if something better comes along. So you count them as a no. If they show I would tell them there is not enough food bc you didnt rsvp/respond to email. If it runs out, guess who is the first person you will ask to make a pizza run?


Last year, a couple of people who never rsvp'd actually did show up. To top it off, one of them had the nerve to take 3 favors home! That really burned my @$$! Because of that, I didn't have enough favors for everyone


----------



## Illusionist (Aug 13, 2011)

I invited 65, no RSVP back, but I expected that from past experience. I just ask them all when it gets closer to the party for a better idea of who's coming. The ones that tell me that they are not sure usually don't show. I had around 20 show up. The party was great, but frustrated with how many people let the normal day to day life control them. Break away and have a little fun for once, especially when someone else is doing all of the planning, decorating, and paying for the drinks ect...


----------



## Elise (Oct 8, 2010)

I'm definitely feeling this pain! We invited 70, and have 10 Yes, 9 No, 6 Maybe, and the rest have not replied. I learned way back when we got married not to depend on RSVPs. Nobody does it anymore, or they just assume that they only have to respond if they ARE coming. I'm more disappointed about our dwindling number of friends than anything else I suppose.


----------



## jenscats5 (Oct 16, 2010)

MissMandy said:


> Last year, a couple of people who never rsvp'd actually did show up. To top it off, one of them had the nerve to take 3 favors home! That really burned my @$$! Because of that, I didn't have enough favors for everyone


Now THAT is rude! Jeez!


----------



## Madame Leota (Sep 19, 2005)

This is the sort of thing that convinced me to no longer host parties for anyone other than my family. I refuse to waste my time and money on inconsiderate people.

We even experienced this with my daughter's wedding, where you'd think people would have a clue that you need to know if they will be there or not. I actually explained it to some people like this: If you don't RSVP and show up anyway, you will have no table to sit at and no dinner. If you reply 'yes' and then don't show up, I will be paying $__ for your dinner that will not be eaten and I'm going to me mad as hell that you wasted my money. Just respond, one way or the other! It's not that hard!


----------



## star_girl_mag (Aug 5, 2008)

Oh lord I know! I get it if someone doesn't want to go just cause they don't want to go or can't but why the hell can't they just say so. I always RSVP because it is such a pain when people don't. If I have 14 "yes" it would stand to reason that therefore I should have 66 "nos" or at the very least some "maybes" which Facebook has so wisely put as an option for all the people who are last minute. People are so flaky I think that they just don't want to be held to anything they may change their mind on later. This pisses me off to no end myself.


----------



## star_girl_mag (Aug 5, 2008)

The Auditor said:


> A thought for those that invite via Facebook...I get so many of these d**** things, most of which aren't actual events but ads from businesses or "taking place everywhere cure your karma" happenings that I've grown immune to FB invites - don't even notice them. I can't be the only one.
> 
> This does not excuse the lack of RSVPing, just a suggestion that you may want to try another avenue for invitations.
> 
> And of course, the above suggestion has nothing to do with those that don't RSVP when the invitation is sent by any other medium.


I definitely see your point however in my experience the lack of response is still the same weather through FB or not. I usually have a webpage devoted to the event with a form (similar to Facebook) that I send out via email as well as physical invites that direct people to the website and Facebook is just a small part of the "marketing campaign" I feel I have to do just to solicit RSVPs.


----------



## star_girl_mag (Aug 5, 2008)

Addicted2Boo said:


> I always just send out a quick email or addition to my evite that requests a response because I want to make sure I have enough food and ALCOHOL. That usually entices people to respond. This year I sent out to 84 people and only 6 did not respond. Hope that helps.


I do this as well usually more than once where I outright request a responce. Your friends must be really polite.


----------



## Zombiegirl1 (Oct 22, 2007)

I still think they are weighing their options to see if something better, or just something else comes up, then its so last minute they dont bother to rsvp.


----------



## HKitten (Sep 20, 2009)

I believe, like the posters above me, that some people just wait to see what else might be available.

I'm actually a little pissed because we're only having a small party, about 20+ people invited and two of those we know won't come. 13 have said yes on facebook which isn't bad at all, but two people I know are coming and have sent messages two won't change their status. And now I've just had two people say 'oh no we forgot your party was on the saturday, we're babysitting that day'.

Bearing in mind, I've had that event set up since JULY to avoid exactly that happening. So I reckon that's either an excuse, or a sign that they just don't give a ****. 

I've sent pm's as well, and posted on the event 2-3 times a week with updates on decorations and planning, so that it stays in people's mind. But no. Some people just cannot be bothered to have a little courtesy.


----------



## Zombiegirl1 (Oct 22, 2007)

Sorry ur having problms. No repsonse is a response. Some adults I know more than a few, who actually hate Halloween. They wont tell u w/out a lot of prodding. Had teacher say she loved Halloween, but wont celebrate it bc her minister forbid everyone from celebrating it. Said it promotes all things Devil/worshiping/murders etc. I thought you have got to be kidding! She was serious talking about devil cults murdering people. PLEASSSE!!!! Didnt tell her FBI said there is no such thing. Only sociopaths use that as a vehicle to get people to do their bidding just like in any crazy cult religious or otherwise. Its all fake fake fake. 
Have a sis-in-law. Found out she hates Halloween. Didnt know for decades. She wasnt allowed to celebrate H. Bc of the religious factor. BUT several times yr she dresses up as 1700s peasant lady. She says that is not pretending, but teaching! Yeah right it still dress up/pretending/having fun. But Im terrible for celebrating Halloween using my imagination. Wont let her husb come over on Halloween, but he can come over days b4 to help w/props? HUH? So there a a lot of people who wont tell u they hate Halloween or are scared to celebrate it just in case they go to hell. Sometimes even then they dont want to tell you. Its not worth it to hear how ur promoting murders/all things dark. They can stay home. Dont need a wet blanket. Or someone the whole night looking at you w/distain. Goodbye!


----------



## Xane (Oct 13, 2010)

Unfortunately for those of us with manners, the RSVP may be heading out the door, and if that's the social norm then that's the way things are going to be, regardless of how loud we (and Miss Manners) scream about it. Personally, I'm in a situation where I may have (family related) things come up overnight, to the point that I can't 100% guarantee that I can be somewhere until I'm headed out the door. It makes it even worse that I can't really commit to helping out with things either. While I doubt *everyone* who ignores RSVP has a situation like that, some of them really *don't* have a clue as to whether or not they will be there. But I usually RSVP "yes" with a note explaining why I may not make it.


----------



## MissMandy (Apr 18, 2011)

Xane said:


> Unfortunately for those of us with manners, the RSVP may be heading out the door, and if that's the social norm then that's the way things are going to be, regardless of how loud we (and Miss Manners) scream about it.


Is this referring to me?


----------



## Xane (Oct 13, 2010)

MissMandy said:


> Is this referring to me?


Huh? No, I meant the columnist. The RSVP thing comes up in her column just as often as it comes up here. And while I agree with her insistence that just because everyone else has no manners doesn't mean you shouldn't, if everyone but you simply ignores RSVPs and no one seems to respond to them anymore, then eventually it's going to be an archaic formality that people find silly and pointless, regardless of how the few of us who still consider it important feel otherwise.


----------



## Jules17 (Aug 31, 2010)

Shadowbat said:


> I stopped with the RSVP thing. No one does it. Even for the Facebook invite I only got 3 people to respond even though all showed. We've always had at least 75% of our guest list show anyway.


I don't do the RSVP thing either anymore as ppl just don't respond to it no matter how many times you ask. Luckily, most of our friends/coworkers show up anyway to every party we have which is about 3 a year (Halloween, Christmas, and Summer) and they are the diehards. I feel if I've invited someone twice and they don't bother to show up either time, then I just stop inviting them and it's their loss. We'll have plenty of fun without them.


----------



## MissMandy (Apr 18, 2011)

Xane said:


> Huh? No, I meant the columnist. The RSVP thing comes up in her column just as often as it comes up here. And while I agree with her insistence that just because everyone else has no manners doesn't mean you shouldn't, if everyone but you simply ignores RSVPs and no one seems to respond to them anymore, then eventually it's going to be an archaic formality that people find silly and pointless, regardless of how the few of us who still consider it important feel otherwise.


Oh ok lol. Was just wondering cuz someone on here once called me Miss Manners lol. Thought you were being a wise guy


----------



## HauntedGirl (Sep 17, 2010)

One of my friends has been talking non stop since last year (we weren't able to have a party last year) about how excited she was for our Halloween party this year - I mean - LITERALLY - she has brought it up more over the last year than anyone else. So 4 weeks ago I sent out the invite..2 weeks go by without a word from her about it and after some prodding my mom finally gets a maybe out of her (they work together at the local airport), then the maybe turns into a "YES! I'm going costume shopping this week!" so TODAY the answer goes back to a "I don't know... I might get nauseated if I break my routine... I just don't know... the last time I was pregnant I couldn't break it without getting sick...and I don't have a costume yet." (she is only a few years older than I am (I'm 24) and the last time she was pregnant was about 11 years ago!!) The REAL crappy part is that there is another guest who used to work with them at the airport really wants to come but doesn't want to drive by herself due to where she lives in relation to where we live - so that's another problem my friend is causing!! AND since last week it was a resounding YES from her -- I bought the groceries and drinks for the party under the impression that I'd have 2 more mouths to feed -- and since she's pregnant I bought her a few different flavors of sparkling juice to choose from!!! A total waste if she doesn't come since everyone else will be drinking booze. I really want to say to her "just shut UP about it and don't come if it's causing this much drama for you!" ...but I won't. 

If someone sent me a Halloween party invite I would be foaming at the mouth to RSVP ASAP I'd be so excited!! Especially if I knew that that person loves the holiday and put tons of time, energy, effort, money and creativity to creating a special night!! People are so rude about RSVPing and I just don't get it.


----------



## Hillrat6 (Oct 2, 2006)

Thanks for commiserating with me! It really does chap my @$$ that people can't take 30 seconds to shoot me an e-mail or pick up the phone. Obviously, if my partygoers were hosts themselves, they would realize the time and expense that throwing a party entails. I would LOVE it if one of my friends offered to host a Halloween party so that I could go eat wonderful food (free), drink (free) and have a lot of fun--all for the cost of a costume. Don't get me wrong--I love having Halloween parties, but this RSVP business gets me EVERY year (and I've even trimmed my list of past years' non-respondees). Looks like I'll be trimming again after this year's party.


----------



## johnshenry (Sep 24, 2006)

I have to say, our guests are pretty well behaved this year. I used Anyvite and here is what I have:

Attending: (29)
Maybe: (5)
Not Attending: (34)
Not Yet Replied: (29)

Basically every invite is a couple, so I have 50-60 accepts. Every year 5-15% of the accepts don't show, but I also have 5-8 people who haven't replied and I know are coming.

Most importantly I know all the FUN people will be there and that is about all that matters........!!


----------



## seelie8504 (Oct 15, 2008)

I completely agree! My party was announced last minute, but I figured people would respond on Facebook! I even sent a reminder email and only got a few more responses! It's so frustrating!


----------



## jakiedoodle (Sep 17, 2011)

it happens no matter what kind of party / cookout / get together I plan. At the last minute, some people start saying "Oh, I won't be able to make it after all". So now our party of 24 YES's is down to about 18. And there could still be a couple of THOSE that don't show up. I usually can tell which ones will wimp out at the very last minute, and a few of my YES's are people that usually ditch on me. It is EXTREMELY frustrating!!! 

It does upset me a little bit, but once my TRUE friends start to show up and the party is under-way, I know I'll forget all about those "ditchers" and have a GREAT time!


----------



## natalyn (Oct 15, 2009)

The lack of RSVP used to bother me, but instead of stressing out about who is showing up and who is not, I just prepare food and drink based on an average of people who have shown up to previous parties (not just Halloween). If we run out, we run out. My stressing stopped when a friend of mine told me that no one was expecting a 7 course meal when they got here ... it was just me - LOL.


----------



## halloween71 (Apr 22, 2007)

HKitten said:


> I believe, like the posters above me, that some people just wait to see what else might be available.
> 
> I'm actually a little pissed because we're only having a small party, about 20+ people invited and two of those we know won't come. 13 have said yes on facebook which isn't bad at all, but two people I know are coming and have sent messages two won't change their status. And now I've just had two people say 'oh no we forgot your party was on the saturday, we're babysitting that day'.
> 
> ...


Next year no invite from me.
I invite one time if you don't show up no more invites I am a b .... that way.


----------



## Hillrat6 (Oct 2, 2006)

natalyn said:


> The lack of RSVP used to bother me, but instead of stressing out about who is showing up and who is not, I just prepare food and drink based on an average of people who have shown up to previous parties (not just Halloween). If we run out, we run out. My stressing stopped when a friend of mine told me that no one was expecting a 7 course meal when they got here ... it was just me - LOL.


Natalyn, that's a good attitude to take, and I know I need to just chill some. I agree that I'm the one stressing because, as the host, I want EVERYONE to have a good time--enough to eat, enough to drink and able to participate in the games and awards I have planned. However, being just a dozen off either in attendees or no show's *really* does affect my budget. I'm tired of paying for more food (and booze--sheesh, that'll eat up your $$ in a heartbeat) than I needed because 17 people said they "might" come. Conversely, I'd be mortified (*snicker*) if I ran out of food or beverages because I wasn't planning on the 36 (YES, 36!!) people who haven't RSVP'd actually showing up. I think I'll just stock up on lots of chips and popcorn.


----------



## dsmgirl07 (Apr 3, 2011)

ahhhhhhh omg nothing makes me more mad!!!! At my party I provide a alcoholic punch, shots, and the main dish. Last year we invited about 50 people 30 responded and by the end of the night we had almost 45 people show up. I was happy they came but I didnt have enough food or drinks. O well thier fault. Sc**w em.


----------



## GodOfThunder (Aug 26, 2011)

I'm facing this same problem. I have a ton of people who haven't RSVP'd at all. I've reached out individually to many and know of some of their dispositions, but it's a pain in the ass because I can't get a straight headcount. 

I'm the anal-retentive planner type so once the party starts, I"m fine, but until then, I'm just apprehensive about drop-ins. The way I was raised doesn't permit my just telling them to screw themselves, haha...

But I can take a lesson to just chill too. The party is for MY enjoyment as well.


----------



## Howlyn (Sep 28, 2004)

This year was our 22nd annual. As usual, I would say maybe 1/4 of the invites sent (facebook & some snail mail) got acknowledged. To avoid the stress worrying about how much food & drinks to have, I learned a while back to have BYOB on the invite. I always make up a huge cauldon of witch's brew (spiked punch) for whoever wants it along with jello shots. As far as food goes, I make a good variety and also ask guests to bring a treat to share. It has worked out well for us. This year we had 70+ in attendance and lots of good food & drink.


----------



## jakiedoodle (Sep 17, 2011)

GodofThunder - I am exactly the same way! I'd love to tell some of these non-RSVP'ers to "go take a hike", but I can't/won't be rude. BUT, we (my boyfriend and I) have put a lot of time/energy/thought into our party and prizes, etc. We really needed a pretty accurate (within 5 people or so) headcount for some of the things we have planned, so it is certainly very frustrating when people just don't give a cr*p, and don't respond. 
I just keep telling myself "THIS IS GOING TO BE A BLAST, NO MATTER WHO SHOWS UP AND WHO DOESN'T!" (oh...and breathe girl, breathe)


----------

