# Do "no" RSVPs bother you?



## Halloween Princess (Sep 23, 2008)

I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much. I just had a couple friends (married couple) call and say they wont be making it next weekend. They do travel 5 hours from out of state & stay in our guest room, so I know it's not convenient, but just last night she said they were coming.

I also had another friend RSVP with a no this morning. I feel like I put in so much work for months and no one will be seeing it. We've spent well over a grand, hired a bartender, have a themed cocktail menu, and will have a 9 foot tall comic boo page painted inside out garage as the photo op area. I should focus on the over 30 people who are coming vs the 10 or 15 who aren't. 

I think it's just one of those days. Does it bother anyone else when people can't make it?


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## Mizerella (Aug 6, 2009)

Yes I understand totally!
Every "No" always hurts my feelings, even though I know it's not meant to. 

I get so paranoid when I throw a party. I think it goes back to my childhood when my sister had a birthday party and no one showed up! It was devastating to see. We worked so hard getting things perfect and even the people who said they would come didn't show. 

I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it.


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## printersdevil (Sep 7, 2009)

I know the feeling. I have a very close family and we do many things together---especially the females. Last weekend for my Be WITCHY party three of my nieces and my own sister didn't come. One niece had just had a baby on Monday and I really wasn't expecting her. She wanted to come and called that morning to say that she just wasnt up to it. Her I understood. The other three really made me upset. 

I am now worried about the Boo Bash next weekend. i don't know what their problem was, but if they all don't come this means quite a few since it will be double with the spouses at this one. I am really down about it.

i also had a few close friends who didn't come at the last minute who were planning to come.


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## MsMeeple (Aug 21, 2004)

Yeah it bothers me when people say they can't come especially if they are regulars. But every year I manage to get new blood so I try to focus on that


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## Crazytrain83 (Oct 1, 2009)

Obviously I'd love all of my invited guests be attend, but I'm envious that you get "No" RSVPs. Half of the people we invite never respond to the invitation at all. Makes it all sorts of fun to guess how much food to buy!


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## yummum29 (Oct 22, 2008)

I try to just let it go. I do appreciate them at least letting me know. The people that say they are coming and then don't, bother me more. We are the only people around that love Halloween, so we are slowly converting the rest. The fact that they called to tell you means that they care about you


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## zombiefrac (Apr 1, 2007)

yep, me too. the ones that hurt the most are family...who encourage me to do all the ridiculous things i do and in the same statement mention that they won't be able to make this time around. those drive me insane! but we have 4 or 5 new couples attending this year and i am focused on those that are coming. i appreciate when people rsvp period...my biggest gripe are those that don't bother to contact me at all! i have a prize this year - a raffle that you are entered into whether you attend or not...just that you rsvp! it has worked wonderfully this year! happy haunting to all!


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## madammorrible (Aug 9, 2009)

Halloween Princess said:


> I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much. I just had a couple friends (married couple) call and say they wont be making it next weekend. They do travel 5 hours from out of state & stay in our guest room, so I know it's not convenient, but just last night she said they were coming.
> 
> I also had another friend RSVP with a no this morning. I feel like I put in so much work for months and no one will be seeing it. We've spent well over a grand, hired a bartender, have a themed cocktail menu, and will have a 9 foot tall comic boo page painted inside out garage as the photo op area. I should focus on the over 30 people who are coming vs the 10 or 15 who aren't.
> 
> I think it's just one of those days. Does it bother anyone else when people can't make it?


In a word, YES! It bugs me to no end some days. Especially if I get few all at once.


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## tetedefromage (Oct 21, 2010)

I'd be okay with a no right now. Because in my case, people just haven't bothered to rsvp at all! I hate not knowing whether people are coming or not! Just give me an answer one way or the other!


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## battygirl (Sep 30, 2008)

I had my party last night and my problem was the opposite....35 people said they were coming and we had 20 show up. I just thought it was rude that 15 people, some even the night of, said they were coming and then didn't even call to tell us otherwise. It will be my first and last Halloween party because it just wasn't worth all the work for what the party was. People just didn't appreciate it and we spent to much money to just have our "normal" group of friends over. I will say that the people that came were awesome. They took the time to think about their costumes and were a blast to hang out with, so I guess it wasn't a total waste! Anyway I understand completely why you are upset.


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## meloncholydolly (Oct 10, 2009)

yes it really bothers me. I have so many maybes and not yet responded that it makes me feel like crap. Then I ask some of these people if they decided yet and and i get responses like "oh what day is it?". Did they even bother to look at the invite? They just dont care. I dont think people realize how much money and effort go into theme parties. I always feel like Im the last resort of none of their other awesome plans go through. But how do you make them understand without guilting them? stupid people. grr.


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## v_gan (Aug 19, 2009)

No's definitely bother me. But think of it this way: At least they had the courtesy to RSVP! I think it's a lot better to know in advance who isn't coming than expect them to be there and they not show up the night of. I think that would be a lot worse.

Plus 30 people is a great amount! They'll definitely appreciate all your effort. And considering 30/45 accepted, I think you've had a great response so far! Some people are lucky if half the guests they invite show.


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## Ghostly Duo (Aug 6, 2007)

I can't stand it when they don't rsvp. I need head counts for games, food, gifts..etc...
If we are spending all this money each year the least they can do is rsvp in a timely fashion. But all ends well each year anyhow, guests or no guests I'm determined to have FUN!!!...lol


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## Halloween Princess (Sep 23, 2008)

I guess it was just since I got a couple at once why it bothered me. A lot of you made a very good point, at least they rsvp'd at all. I usually fish for responses though. I send out a message saying something like, I'll be making the party favors this weekend and am trying to get a head count... 

I am feeling a bit better now. Worked on some party things today & it cheered me up  Sorry to hear some others have had bad times too. I guess I would much rather know someone's not coming, than wonder what happened to them the night of.


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## MHooch (Jun 15, 2007)

In my experience RSVPing is a lost art, so I'd be glad to get a "no" RSVP...any RSVP at all. People just don't realize that we are making so many food and beverage, prizes and games decisions based on the number of guests. I am not ashamed to call my friends the week before and say "Hey, I just need a yes or no answer." But I shouldn't have to. arrrrgggghhh!!!


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## Suzeelili (Jun 3, 2007)

totally agree with MHooch..so many folks don't RSVP at all now a days. I understand though if they usually stay over and told you the night before yes. That would be frustrating. Just focus on the others. They will be lucky to have the memories you are making for them.


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## Trinity1 (Sep 5, 2009)

I absolutely understand. I'm disappointed when I get a no. But what really gets my goat is people saying they are coming and even asking if they can bring anything then they no show!!! We had that happen this past weekend for our party. If someone can't make it, that's fine...but let me know. It takes two seconds to either call, or shoot me an e-mail....seriously!


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## WitchyRN (Mar 20, 2010)

This year I didn't get people to RSVP... took the no rsvp's out of the equation I guess... it bums me out when we have no rsvps too...


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## Witchie_Woman (Aug 10, 2007)

Having people say "no" really bothers me too, even though I know it shouldn't. I understand that people sometimes have other plans, but I put a ton of work into my parties and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it! I actually sent an invite out via Facebook this year, and I noticed that it helped a lot with the number of responses that I got.

I had my party this past Saturday and what really bothered me was not the number of people that showed up, but what time they finally showed up. The party was supposed to start at 7pm, but it was at least 9pm before the majority of the people showed up! I understand being a little late, but 2 hours!! And it wasn't just a few people, it was more than half of the guests!! Plus, no one bothered to call me or my husband to let us know they were running late!


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## Mr. Hyde (Aug 31, 2007)

Yes. That is why we don't do "RSVP." But we've done the party so many years that we kind of know within a certain range how many will attend. We also have a stalwart of regulars that we can count on to attend. And we always invite many more than the number that we expect to attend and encourage them to bring their friends. That way even if many who were invited don't show, we invariably have alot of new attendees who did not receive an invitation directly from us.


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## HeatherEve1234 (Sep 5, 2008)

I take it personally when people don't want to come, or choose something else - I can't help it. Even though the party is generally better off without them. 

Case in this point, this year someone told me it was "too expensive" to come to my party, since I require everyone to wear a costume. That completely burned me up - I've spent $1500, and you are upset about a costume? That you get to choose the price of? Buy a $4 cat ear headband, or throw a sheet over your head like a ghost or toga. Can you imagine telling someone that their party is "too expensive" for you to attend?!?!? This is the first year we've asked anyone to bring a bottle for the bar even.


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## tgoodman (Sep 25, 2009)

It's not the "No's" that bother me, it's the lack of RSVP's that ticks me off! It's just plain rude and thoughtless. Most people have never had a party with over 10 people in attendance and have no idea how much time and expense goes into it. That you've been invited to a party at all should be seen as flattering, and yet, people treat it as an inconvenience. 

I guess I should feel lucky, as I've had over a 50% RSVP response this year, better than other years; but, it helped that, some time ago, I ranted on Facebook about RSVP's and all my friends/family know if they don't RSVP they don't get invited again.  It's true... no RSVP, no further invitations. It speaks volumes about the level of respect and depth of feeling a person has for you.


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## HeatherEve1234 (Sep 5, 2008)

I've been lucky in that people know I'm a stickler (after my wedding where RSVP's were a disaster). I'm only waiting on 1 couple ("trying to get a babysitter") and one other "maybe" couple for good reasons. Its true that if you are a hardass about it, people will conform and get their butts in line


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## Xane (Oct 13, 2010)

It bothers me but you have to remember: 1) They may have already been invited somewhere else before you announced your party 2) They may have a legitimate reason (family gathering, etc) not to be able to go 3) if they have to travel, even if you're letting them stay at your place, it may simply be too expensive (gas, food on the run, etc) for them. 4) It's still more polite for them to inform you they can't make it than to say they're coming and not show up and/or simply ignore the invitation. That way you don't buy food for 40 people when only 20 show up.


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## natalyn (Oct 15, 2009)

The lack of RSVP bothers me especially this year. I am trying to really stick to my budget this year, but if you don't know who will be there on not be there it makes it impossible. I am going to send out a friendly email "reminder" today. Hopefully it will help and I hope it doesn't seem pathetic.


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## meloncholydolly (Oct 10, 2009)

I posted my invite on fb in the middle of september so people would know ahead of time and wuouldnt make plans. Did it stop them? Nope. Does anyone respond to my reminder emails? Nope. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a good turn out but man its sucha downer when people don't care AT ALL. I have 15 people who havnt responded in anyway way...even after sending out the emails sayin I need to know for food and wat not. Grrrrrrrrr.


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## sugarskull (Sep 8, 2010)

I had my formal halloween dinner party last night and I got kind of irked but it ended up working out. Three of the people who said theyd come called the DAY OF and said they couldnt make it. So I last minute invited a two people to fill in their place settings and five extra showed up! I was scrambling for place settings but it ended up working out perfectly. I had plenty of food but I was irritated that people who told me they were going to be there bailed. I mean, I had planned a cetain amount of food for a certain amount of people. but in the end it ended up being great even though I had more people than I had planned.


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## MsMeeple (Aug 21, 2004)

HeatherEve1234 said:


> Case in this point, this year someone told me it was "too expensive" to come to my party, since I require everyone to wear a costume. That completely burned me up - I've spent $1500, and you are upset about a costume? That you get to choose the price of? Buy a $4 cat ear headband, or throw a sheet over your head like a ghost or toga. Can you imagine telling someone that their party is "too expensive" for you to attend?!?!? This is the first year we've asked anyone to bring a bottle for the bar even.


That is soooooooooo true!


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## Hillrat6 (Oct 2, 2006)

*Don't get me started!*

Without question, the failure to RSVP is my biggest pet peeve of our Halloween parties. Our party is this Saturday, and nearly half (yes, HALF) of the people we've invited haven't responded yet. And I know that some of them will show up on Saturday, and we'll all have a good time. However, I'll be stewing about it because I've put so much time, effort and money into throwing this party; and I don't want to have to worry about running out of anything because some souls couldn't be bothered to spend 30 seconds saying yes or no. Grrrrrr.  At this point, I'd rather have some definite "no" responses _before_ I make my final runs to the grocery and liquor stores.


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## tgoodman (Sep 25, 2009)

The cutoff for RSVP's for my party on the 30th was yesterday. I sent the following message from the Facebook invitation to those who hadn't RSVP'd at all or gave us only a "maybe". I don't feel remotely "weird" about doing so... they're the ones being rude. Should anyone find my "reminder" offensive, I'd be happy to know it so I wouldn't bother inviting them again next year. A rule I stick by: No RSVP, no further invitations.

_If you haven't RSVP'd one way or another for the Halloween party, would you mind doing so, please! A semi-accurate headcount for a party of this size is SO helpful! Some of you have given verbal RSVP's so you're good to go; unfortunately, Facebook doesn't allow us to single you out of this message so my apologies.

It's easy to RSVP:

Click on "Events" on the left side of your Facebook "Home" page, then, click "Respond" and choose "Attending" or "Not Attending". You can also message me here on FB, email [email protected] or phone xxx-xxxx.

Thanks for your help and hope to see you soon! If you can't make it, or, costume parties just aren't your thing, no sweat! We'll hope to see you on another occasion! _


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## Edward (Sep 24, 2010)

I agree with the responses about no rsvp, no further invites in the future. It is really a lack of courtesy to the host who is spending whatever amount of money to entertain their friends and family members. In our case we invited 150 guests, we have a 120 yeses, either in person or rsvp via phone or e-mail ( they had an option ) that say they will be attending this Saturday night ( Oct. 30 ). I will reserve judgement on those that said yes, but were a no-shows, based on their excuses. Its the people that didn't respond at all that really chap my you know what. It is just out and out RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't take it personally, but we spent a lot of $$$$ renting a castle, live entertainment, catered food, etc. It only takes a minute to respond yes or no. Come on people, put yourself in the hosts place and think how it would make you feel.


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## melmyissa (Sep 27, 2009)

It bothers me when friends you expect to see at a party dont end up coming. I tend to take it personally. A lot of time, effort and money goes into throwing a Halloween party, I understand where you are coming from! We usually have a small party, about 20-30 people. Right now I am only at 20 confirmed so we'll see what happens this week.


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