# Please Help! I'm not sure what to do.



## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

This might make me sound like a bad person but here goes.

Last year on Halloween day my husband's nephew's son was born. For the past 10 years I've had a Halloween party and haunt and I have somewhere around 100 guests and very few are older than eleven or twelve.

Well yesterday my mother-in-law informs me that she is going to have the baby's birthday party at my Halloween party. My Halloween party is on the 23rd. this year leaving another weekend and Halloween itself. I work my a$$ off on my party and I try to keep a certain atmosphere. I don't really like my MIL all that much anyway. Her grandson, the babies father, lives in her basement has no job or even a drivers licence. 

At Xmas we were playing pictionary before it was time to unwrap presents. He got mad because his team was losing, started cussing and went downstairs to his room. Because he wouldn't come back up and join us later to unwrap presents, She refused to let anyone else exchange gifts and we still haven't. He is 23 years old and is spoiled. He has never come to my party and I want to keep it that way. I don't want her taking over my party. What would you all do?


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## CROGLINVAMPIRE (Sep 21, 2006)

Jeez honey...thats a sticky wicket. How does your hubby feel about the situation? Is he gonna back your play of whatever you do? Regardless, stick to your guns and make a stand on your wishes. Sounds like the basement dweller needs a reality check on life.


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## clowns_eat_people (Jun 21, 2010)

Is your date set in stone? You could try to change it to another weekend. 

I don't know if your MI said to have the date on that day or if she said "Hey I want to have the party at YOUR party"

Has she ever been to your party before? Does she know its more Tween/Adult theme not for kiddies.

Can you compromise and have the kids party early in the day (REALY early) and then have your party?

You could try to tell her that you will be busy attending to your own guest to deal with a whole other party.

I do feel your pain, I have had a few sticky situations myself...you must decide if you want to keep the peace by compromsing OR if you finally want to stand your ground and tell her how you feel. Either way like Croglin said you need some backing by your husband. Good Luck and I hope everything turns out the way you want.


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## bouncerbudz (May 4, 2009)

Im sorry I would have to tell them that it is not appropriate. Maybe you can do one after your usual gathering if you need to compromise. Tell them you can take some of the scarier stuff down to make it more youth friendly.

If it was me, truely me. I would just tell them NO you must be out of your mind. You are not goin to tell me what you are going to do at my party. Its not even my kid, let alone my kids kid. No one is going to tell me what to do !!!

This is your tradition i feel for the sake of the fight comprise by willing to do another day but DO NOT let her tell you what you and your family are goin to do.


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## Gym Whourlfeld (Jan 22, 2003)

We planned a small wedding, then a person we barely knew invited herself, her toddler and was going to invite some of her relatives that we had never met, all just to get some "free" food!
As it turned out we had fun with her toddler, the rest never showed (maybe they felt awkward?)
Nobody interfeared with the day my new Wife wanted to stick carrots up her nose for the photoshoot! Even her Dad couldn't stop her and of course I was impressed!
We treasure those pictures.
Yes we have the photographic proof.
FUN! FUNNY!


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

This is an easy one...tell the M-I-L, NO!

Actually, you and your husband should tell her NO!

And if things work out right, your M-I-L won't talk to you for a while.....double bonus

I've got the same sort of thing going on with my brothers...my parent's 50th anniversary is on Halloween. And my brothers are upset that I won't drive up to Washington that weekend for a party. They don't get how important Halloween is to me and I wouldn't do a roadtrip that time of year anyway due to the chances of snow. So I told them that I planned on taking my dad to the Huskers/Huskies football game in Seatlle in September and that that would be a better weekend for a party and to have it on Friday night....they said they didn't think I should be planning the 50th anniversary party around a football game. Well, I love the Huskers more than I love Halloween, so you can see where this is going. I told them to plan what they wanted and that I was only driving up to Washington once this year and if I missed the party, that would be between me and the folks. So they plan the party on gameday....so on Father's day, my dad mentioned that we might not be back at the start of the party due to traffic and I told him, I don't care if we're late, we planned on going to the game three years ago and if we're late, we're late. So yesterday was my mom's birthday and when I talked to her, she said....she doesn't care if we get to the party late and her only "demand" is that I can't argue about the schedule with my brothers....(Mom gets it!)


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## cbonz2002 (Jun 23, 2009)

That's YOUR party and you work hard putting it together! Tell her NO!!! And don't change it for her. What has she ever done for you? If the basement dweller was any kind of person at all, he would be putting on a party for his OWN kid.
You and your husband need to stick together on this one.


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## osenator (Nov 3, 2009)

Do you have a basement with a lock you can lure them in? 
For the baby party, simply refuse, tell her you have other plans already book for that day. She might only choose that day for spite too. In-laws can be very mean people. Ask her why that day? If you can't change, use the babies as props!


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## MichaelMyers1 (Jan 12, 2008)

So sorry for the situation, but I would firmly tell her NO! First of all, why is she in charge of the party anyway? Why not the parents of the baby? And she just thinks that she can invite herself and all these unknown people there to? Absolutely not. What will happen if the party goes like that, and all these people come over, that no one will be paying attention to the baby bc they will all marvel at your awesome decor and food, and that will make her really mad! And sounds like she will stay mad. Your husband needs to back you up on this, but it is totally inappropriate to have the babys party with yours, and decided to tell you thats how its going to be! Stand your ground!


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## offmymeds (May 26, 2010)

Your HUSBAND needs to be the one that says " hey Mom this is our adult party and the little ones should not be here" and then give her an option of having it another day or heaven forbid actually have it at her house and let her know you would be happy to help out. You may just have to step on some toes. They will get over it and if not you won't have to deal with them!! ( that comes from experience!!!) Please don't let her bully you and DO NOT let it ruin your Halloween! Good Luck and in no way does does this make you sound like a bad person.


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## Veckah (Apr 5, 2010)

As many have already said, you and your husband need to stand together on this. One thing my husband and I made sure of a LONG time ago was we married each other, not our families. Now, that being said, there is always compromise. I personally would tell the MIL there is no way I am going to change my plans for that day, and no I will not work a toddler's party into my party plans. Another day maybe, but I would not be fitting the bill, and oh yes, it would be nice to be asked next time rather than told. 

I would never be that nice about it though. After all, I did threaten to throw my MIL out a second story window...


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## Terra (Sep 23, 2007)

Add me to the group that you must refuse. I think of it this way. If your M-i-L is already _this far_ over the fence in this demand and you relent? Expect waaaay more of it in the future. 

Telling her no now, may be painful...but if you don't set the boundaries and react when it's stepped over, she will constantly run you over and any boundaries set by you will be meaningless to her. It will then be 100 times _more_ painful and uncomfortable for your husband when you finally set your foot down. Do it early and it stops the drama and the testing of your resolve in it's tracks.

And yes, what she is asking (ooops - _demanding_) is very, _very_ inappropriate.


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## Evil Bob (Sep 10, 2004)

cbonz2002 said:


> ...the basement dweller ...


LOL! That's funny. 
I am sorry about your situation. M-I-L has some nerve.

And I totally agree with what Terra said!


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## Mizerella (Aug 6, 2009)

Ugh I feel for you. It's not easy dealing with In-laws and it sounds like you have a M-I-L from hell. 
I just can not understand how some people can be so assuming. 

I agree with previous posters, your Husband needs to talk to her.


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## The Reapers WS6 (Oct 7, 2009)

thats a pickle,,, no one wants sour family stuff of any kind,, in laws or not,,, *but,, *i have to agree that you and the hubster need to put the hoof down on this one,, as mentioned,, it will only get worse until the back bone is shown. Good luck with this,,, it wont be easy no matter what,, but hopfully she will have a touch of understanding. 

And always remember,,, the sun will still come up tomorrow. no matter what happens.


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## Kymmm (Oct 1, 2009)

I think offmymeds is right "on" here.. I like to keep peace in the family and I think if you and your hubby sat down with her as a united front and your hubby explained that your party has always been set up for older kids, that there are games and a lot of children that will need to be supervised and that you know that you wouldn't be able to give the birthday party the attention it deserves, she might be a little more understanding. If not, you know you did this in a classy manner and all the bad feelings are on her. I also agree that it might help to let her know that any other time, you will be very happy to do whatever you can to make the birthday party a success.


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## kjbittick (Oct 22, 2009)

I agree with everyone else, the MIL needs to host her own party. It sounds to me like she just wants someone else to host AND PROVIDE THE FOOD AND DRINKS for this party. Sounds like her apple didn't fall far from the tree, so don't expect the daddy to step up to the plate either. Unfortunately, you are going to have to stand your ground or she will continue to take advantage of you and your husband. 
Maybe a compromise would be a day closer to the baby's actual birthday, and you sign up to bring a FEW decorations or refreshments. Although making excuses or such would be easier, in the long run it will ruin your Halloween spirit trying to come up with a new excuse every year to avoid her and her party. I'm afraid you are going to have to 'Nip it in the bud'! Good luck!!


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## digbugsgirl (Aug 15, 2007)

Wow! If my MIL tried to pull that on me I'd have to flat out say NO! The nerve of some people....Anyway, I agree with everyone on this. Hubby definitely should say something to her.


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2010)

Dang, we have some reasonable people here. so sad. 
I say YES!!!! let her have her party at your party. And let her have half the bill for it, too! cash, up front before the party.  That way you look like the good guy by allowing it and she looks like the bad guy for being cheap if she refuses to contribute. It's all about manipulating when it comes to in-laws!.  
just my 2 pennies.


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

creeepycathy said:


> Dang, we have some reasonable people here. so sad.
> I say YES!!!! let her have her party at your party. And let her have half the bill for it, too! cash, up front before the party.  That way you look like the good guy by allowing it and she looks like the bad guy for being cheap if she refuses to contribute. It's all about manipulating when it comes to in-laws!.
> just my 2 pennies.


My guess is she refuses to contribute and doesn't care that she doesn't contribute...and really doesn't care what anybody else thinks...

I'm assuming that she wants to send out B-Day invites to all the party goers so that the kid gets more toys on someone else's dime. Some people have no shame.


Creepyhomemaker...just send the MIL a link to this page


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

BTW: We all agree that your hubby needs to be in this too....where does he stand?


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## Not-so-sunny-lane (Jan 31, 2009)

Its your party and you can kill her if you wan't, kill her if you want to.....

Just tell her that having the baby's party at the Halloween party would not be appropriate because of the type of party it is and it will make your other guests uncomfortable. Hubby MUST support you in this and if MIL gets pissed, oh well, sounds like not much of a loss. Your hubby may be relieved to not get pulled into his family's drama for a while.


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## politicalcronie7 (Aug 31, 2009)

WOW yeah ist kick him out then have your party the way you want it its your house


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## Yubney (Sep 14, 2009)

I had a similar situation year before last. My teenage boy's bday is near Halloween so I throw him a bday/halloween/dance party for him and his friends.

What was the similarity in that was my sis wanted to come but bring her 10 year old son. I flat told her no this was a teenage party and he was too young to attend. I also told my mother she couldn't attend because it was bad enough that dad would be around monitoring them, but what teenager wants his grandmother hanging around?!

No I wasn't very popular for this, but the party is for HIM and I took every measure to ensure he had fun (heck he was dressed in drag and we even danced together a little LOL).

So I say stick to your guns that this is YOUR party and YOU will arrange it as you see fit.


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## BooBoo (Jun 14, 2010)

The Baby won't remember anything, a cake from the supermarket or something just as scary Chuck - E - Cheese. The song goes " I did it my way " Not " I did it my MiL WAY ". Traditions are Important.


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2010)

first off i think your MIL has NO CLASS WHAT SO EVER! with that said i have 3 questions. 1. is this party attended by ANY family members? or is it just close friends, co workers?? 2. did your MIL offer to pay for the added expense? 3. is the MIL saying she wants to add to your guest list? if you and your husband have this party for only close friends and co workers etc then i have to say that you have the right to turn your MIL down... but if this party is a mixture of family, friends etc, although your MIL is wrong, i think you should take the high road and go ahead and add the Bday party..remember, the baby is not at fault... i would have only gifts from family, not in any way from people who do not even know the child.. set up a small area and let the little party take place.. do not let it take over YOUR event.. but be gracious, kill her with kindness.. before the party, have a highball, hell have 2, put your heels on and greet the ***** at the door with a smile. and never let her know she had you over a barrel for even a second.. and the baby, well, you might turn out to be his/her favorite aunt..


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## halloweenbarb (Jun 9, 2008)

I agree with everyone too, I would tell her no.
maybe you can tell her how much you spend on halloween and ask if she wants to go halves! I think she;ll back down.


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2010)

the good witch said:


> first off i think your MIL has NO CLASS WHAT SO EVER! with that said i have 3 questions. 1. is this party attended by ANY family members? or is it just close friends, co workers?? 2. did your MIL offer to pay for the added expense? 3. is the MIL saying she wants to add to your guest list? if you and your husband have this party for only close friends and co workers etc then i have to say that you have the right to turn your MIL down... but if this party is a mixture of family, friends etc, although your MIL is wrong, i think you should take the high road and go ahead and add the Bday party..remember, the baby is not at fault... i would have only gifts from family, not in any way from people who do not even know the child.. set up a small area and let the little party take place.. do not let it take over YOUR event.. but be gracious, kill her with kindness.. before the party, have a highball, hell have 2, put your heels on and greet the ***** at the door with a smile. and never let her know she had you over a barrel for even a second.. and the baby, well, you might turn out to be his/her favorite aunt..


awww, I like your way of thinking.


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## Spookilicious mama (Feb 27, 2008)

*I agree with others before me in that your husband needs to be the one to step up and tell his mother no. This is your party you have done for years, and this baby can have a party on Halloween or another weekend. Sounds to me like MIL has figured out you will already have the decorations and food so it would just be easier but that is just NOT RIGHT!! You are not a bad person especially since you seem to have no real relationship with the Brother in law to begin with. MIL should have a small party for baby and whoever she wants to invite at her house and leave your party alone. IMHO*

*This does not mean the baby is at fault in any way or you are blaming the baby. I totally get what you are saying and I still believe that baby bdays especially a first birthday should be for family and close close friends. There is no reason to throw a party on the side while co-workers who have no idea who he is attend. If family members attend your party Im sure they will have no problem with going to a babies first bday on another weekend. Besides what about drinking and costumes that might be a bit risque for younger family members?? Would it be appropriate for drinking and those costumes to be around during a baby's first bday?? I say have her do it another day, of course IMHO*


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## 22606 (Aug 11, 2008)

I'm with those who say to get together with the hubby and tell the MIL "no flippin' way" Telling you what's going to happen at _your_ party is wrong on sooo many levels...

I just _had_ to throw this in here


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## discobandit (May 6, 2010)

I'll just throw this into the already sea of people who would agree with me- your husband needs to deal with this.

You have no obligation in this case to do anything- especially talking to the MIL. Your husband's primary role here is not as a son, but as your husband. Is he going to protect the interests of his mother and not be your husband by allowing her to walk on you, or stand up for you and tell her no?

This is actually a very common and _very_ divisive issue in many relationships, especially because many men have a deep unwillingness to tell their own mother no, accepting that the role they have played for most of their life (and are most familiar with) as a son is no longer true. 

The kind of personality she has is toxic (while this can be a leap for me to assume, the fact she didn't allow people to open up presents is proof enough of this), and your life will not be worse off if you stand up against her and she is no longer a part of it.


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## bouncerbudz (May 4, 2009)

Im sorry but if i was a guest at the party and didnt know the kid, but they had a bday party. I would not be comfortable. I think it makes for a tense atmosphere. Just a couple more of my pennies !!!


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

the good witch said:


> first off i think your MIL has NO CLASS WHAT SO EVER! with that said i have 3 questions. 1. is this party attended by ANY family members? or is it just close friends, co workers?? 2. did your MIL offer to pay for the added expense? 3. is the MIL saying she wants to add to your guest list? if you and your husband have this party for only close friends and co workers etc then i have to say that you have the right to turn your MIL down... but if this party is a mixture of family, friends etc, although your MIL is wrong, i think you should take the high road and go ahead and add the Bday party..remember, the baby is not at fault... i would have only gifts from family, not in any way from people who do not even know the child.. set up a small area and let the little party take place.. do not let it take over YOUR event.. but be gracious, kill her with kindness.. before the party, have a highball, hell have 2, put your heels on and greet the ***** at the door with a smile. and never let her know she had you over a barrel for even a second.. and the baby, well, you might turn out to be his/her favorite aunt..


If she okay's the party this year, then it's on for EVERY year.


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## Evil Bob (Sep 10, 2004)

Then it's agreed. The MIL must be taken out.


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## MotelSixx (Apr 14, 2010)

The youth is our future. Regardless of who their parents or grandparents are, each one of us should try to create a better future for every child. I was a problem child and troubled teen, and thank everyone that went above and beyond to help me. Children should not be penalized because of the immaturities of adults. 

out
6


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2010)

Scatterbrains said:


> If she okay's the party this year, then it's on for EVERY year.


Lord, i don't have a dog in this fight....but i have seen how this kind of stuff affects children.. i mean creepyhomemaker actually has a MIL who rides a broom.. if she has someone at this party and it turned out it was their Bday, would she not put a candle on a cupcake and sing happy Bday??? would that take away from her party??? would it not show others ie children, that she is a kind and thoughtful person??? it's a party for godsake.. the earth will not stop turning if she puts a cake on a table for a baby.. she is angry right now, she has every reason to feel that way..but like i asked earlier, are there other nieces and nephews at this party??? if it is yes, then this is their cousin... if the answer is no, tell the MIL no... i think this thing is VERY sad... i really feel for this lady...


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2010)

creeepycathy said:


> awww, I like your way of thinking.


thanks cathy, i just take things one highball at a time....LOL


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## Shebear1 (Jul 22, 2008)

I'm just going to add my two cents in, and then shut up, but we are talking about a BABY here! It's only going to be a year old, and it's not even going to really understand what is going on. Not only is your MIL out of line even suggesting that they invade your party, but the baby really has no reason to be there! I have to agree with the majority here who say this is something that you and your husband are going to have to show solidarity on, and just say NO! To give in wouldn't be fair to little one, your annual guests, and certainly not you! Sounds more like you MIL wants to take advantage of all your hard work. What's next? Asking you to babysit the baby while her son goes on a vacation?


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

The way she implied it was since there will already be guests and food we will just morph it into a Halloween/birthday party, basically 2 celebrations. But Halloween, like it is all of you, very important to me and my husband and children. My husband will support whatever I do. I really appreciate everyone's input. She will be getting a big fat NO.


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2010)

Since you're giving her a big fat no, you may consider changing your signature. ---- "Welcome to my home. Come freely. Go safely. And leave something of the happiness you bring"
 Just pickin'!


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## Tumblindice (Aug 19, 2008)

creeepycathy said:


> Since you're giving her a big fat no, you may consider changing your signature. ---- "Welcome to my home. Come freely. Go safely. And leave something of the happiness you bring"
> Just pickin'!


Oh Cathy... always the jokester!!!


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2010)

Tumblindice said:


> Oh Cathy... always the jokester!!!



And I am glad that most members know that I'm just jokin'. Otherwise I'd be in a heep of trouble.


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## JahRah (Oct 23, 2009)

Wow, a lot of people have strong feelings about this. And well, I think I do too. 

1) I agree you and your husband need to discuss and come to an agreement ahead of time.
2) I agree that guests may feel uncomfortable if they realize there is a birthday party as well.
3) I definitely, definitely agree that you should try to make the outcome positive for the child. You might be one of the only positive role models in his life. (I know he won't remember and the father may not be your favorite person, but still).
4) I agree that standing firm and saying "no" may end a long cycle of continued problems from the MIL. 

However, if saying "no" would cause too much conflict and problems for your family (husband included), then I would probably avoid the negative language. I wouldn't say "no", but I wouldn't have the bday party joined with yours either. Instead, I would try to do a second party for the kid (sorry, more work for you). And I would approach it enthusiastically when speaking to the MIL. For example, 

"I think a birthday party for little --Jimmy?-- is a great idea!! I think it's really important for children to feel how much we love them especially when they are at a young age. In fact, I'd like to have a separate party just for him. That way it can be about him and I won't be distracted by the other guests. It will be a lot more meaningful. Oh, I'm so excited!! We can do it on XYZ. I've already got some great ideas!" 

I think this way will allow you to have the bday party separate from your party but also keep the peace. However, it probably won't end the cycle of bad behavior from the MIL.


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

Jumping on the bandwagon... absolutely no way I'd let that happen.

MIL problems of my own here (member of a MIL stories board too  ) so there is no way I'd let one dictate to ME that my party was now being subverted for someone else's baby to turn it into a family craptacular.

You said the child was going to be one? Seriously? People throw huge parties for one year olds now? That is at most a couple of relatives and a little cake for them to mash... this is silly if the MIL thinks the child will remember anything so it's about impressing HER friends and showing her widdle sweetums loser son that she looooooves him so much that she's throwing his child a party. 

Also totally agree about setting a precedent - you allow this one year, they will expect it every year after as long as it suits their plans. You'll be expected to pay for, arrange and otherwise cater to their whims all in the interest of making yourselves doormats to this idiot brother's spawn and your rude MIL.


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## Spookilicious mama (Feb 27, 2008)

JahRah said:


> Wow, a lot of people have strong feelings about this. And well, I think I do too.
> 
> 
> And I would approach it enthusiastically when speaking to the MIL. For example,
> ...



*Beautifully worded! While I dont see why you are responsible for throwing a bday party for your nephew when he has a father who lives with the MIL....I totally agree with JahRah in that approaching it this way allows the baby to have his day of honor while also allowing you to enjoy a party you have done for years Very nicely done JahRah.Sometimes a difficult MIL make us forget we should continue to take the high road, you have reminded us all that it is not only important to try but it is possible*


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## Snit (Jun 16, 2010)

...............................


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## KATZILLA (Dec 6, 2007)

Scatterbrains said:


> This is an easy one...tell the M-I-L, NO!
> 
> Actually, you and your husband should tell her NO!
> 
> ...


I heard that ! EXACTLY what i'd do for sure ! jk


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## CraigInPA (Sep 11, 2007)

While I agree with the other posters, I'd like to point out a few things I've read in...

The Halloween party is on the 23rd. The kid's Birthday is the 31st. Tell the MIL that the theme of a Halloween/Birthday bi-themed-party isn't something you can pull off, especially since the guest list includes mostly friends. Suggest that she have the birthday party at her house on the 31st, and don't show up, because it's Halloween and you need to ride your broom and scare the neighborhood kids.

It's clear that this woman is controlling. She hasn't "allowed" anyone in the family to exchange Christmas gifts for 6+ months because her spoiled son stormed off to the basement? If your husband can't say no to her, you need to. Otherwise, she will run your marriage. Discuss this with your husband. I'd say something to the MIL like "I married your son, and we make our own decisions together. There's no place in OUR marriage for YOU making decisions for either of us." Expect her to complain to your husband (which is why you'll speak to him first). Expect her to cold-shoulder you for a while. She'll get it. Alternatively, call the Dr. Phil show and ask if they'd have you, your husband, the spoiled brat, and her on?

Craig


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## JahRah (Oct 23, 2009)

One last thought. 
Not easy for MIL to change
While you definitely want to end this cycle of behavior from the MIL, I think everyone should consider that it is probably not something new. These are probably some deep, deep cycles of behavior that are not easily changed. She has reinforced her "basement son's" behavior, encouraging this kind of bad behavior for a long time. By saying "no" in a conflicting manner will definitely stir up some problems. 

Confrontation can Taint the Halloween Party
I think you should stand up to her (with your husband), but whenever you do it, she's going to focus on the particular issue not the deep seated problem. Therefore, if you do it now... your halloween party will be the center focus. And it will be said that you are selfish, and blah blah blah (obviously not true). But this could taint your halloween experiences for years to come. 

Positive Route, Separate Parties, Fight another Day
I really think you should go the positive route this time and throw a separate party. See my previous post (a few above this one). Focus on confronting the MIL another time. Again, with the husband... afterall it is his family's dysfunctional dynamics that you are dealing with.


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

Frankie's Girl said:


> Jumping on the bandwagon... absolutely no way I'd let that happen.
> 
> MIL problems of my own here (member of a MIL stories board too  ) so there is no way I'd let one dictate to ME that my party was now being subverted for someone else's baby to turn it into a family craptacular.
> 
> ...


OMG! I LOVE YOU this is EXACTLY how I feel. But here's the kicker the baby isn't her grandson it's her great-grandson. The basement dweller is her grandson. So there's a whole lot of grandparents, great-grandparents, and believe it or not great-great-grandparents who are better candidates than me.
(my husband's family multiplies like rabbits and live a long time.) I KNOW if I do it, it will be part of my party every year and I don't want it to seem like everything I do is for them. Actually, with a family as large as ours, Halloween is the only holiday celebrated at our home. My daughter's birthday is 3 days after Christmas and those people (MIL included) can't even call her on her birthday. And forget about a present.


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

BTW: Skip the kumbaya route and just say NO!... Don't offer to do anything about the baby's birthday...sounds like there are a lot of other people who can step up to throw the party.

From the sounds of it, you might be better off if they get pissed and give you the cold shoulder...I'd make that your goal.


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## MsMeeple (Aug 21, 2004)

creeepycathy said:


> Since you're giving her a big fat no, you may consider changing your signature. ---- "Welcome to my home. Come freely. Go safely. And leave something of the happiness you bring"
> Just pickin'!


hahaha now THAT'S funny!

Mother in laws, what a hot topic! Getting bad vibes. Seeing tortured MIL props in future haunts


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## bouncerbudz (May 4, 2009)

I now have a few more pennies to throw in. With this new information giving. I would say NO CHANCE IN H*LL this is going happen. Sounds like she is an enabler !!! If they didnt discount your child I would go back to maybe working something out. But they dismiss your child No gifts No calls, then No freaking Birthday Party @ your house !!! AT ALL... ANYDAY !!!

DO NOT worry about hurting anyones feelings because it seems that they dont mind hurting the feelings of people you care about. Your daughter may not complain, but Im 35 and never really got heart broken over anyone forgetting my birthday. Trust me thou I never forgot the family members who did forget !!!


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## 22606 (Aug 11, 2008)

creepyhomemaker said:


> My daughter's birthday is 3 days after Christmas and those people (MIL included) can't even call her on her birthday. And forget about a present.


I'd think that would make it _incredibly_ easy to tell her "no", for sure I feel that bouncerbudz hit the nail on the head with the previous post.


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## Pumpkin King (Jul 14, 2008)

Yea, I think that should make it VERY easy to say no. If she lets her one grandson live in her basement and doesn't even call her granddaughter on her birthday, why shoud you host a party for her grandson's kid?

And why can't she let the kid's parents plan the party? If I were you, I would definately say no!


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## Decorinator (Sep 16, 2009)

A lot of good advice has already been given here, but you're the only one who understands the dynamics of your family and what approach might work best with your MIL.

I do find it quite revealing that she has decided to make this announcement regarding the babie's party FOUR months before the event. Appears to be someone who REALLY enjoys manipulating others, and probably getting the entire family involved. Four whole months for you to stew and suffer, no matter what you do! A big win for her, misery for everyone else.

The rest of the family must be well aware of her personality by now. Sounds like nobody is willing to stand up to her. 

Try not to play her games; make whatever decision feels right to you and don't doubt yourself. And refuse to keep explaining or discussing it with others in the family. The cooler and more detached you can remain, the better. Just cheerfully stay firm.

I'm speaking as someone who received a decade of lessons in manipulation from a stepmother... she drove my sisters crazy, but I learned to sidestep ... 

Stay Strong and Good Luck!!


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## Thundr (Sep 20, 2009)

My 2 cents here. If no, winds up not being an option, then may I suggest goring up the party ten fold, blood, body parts, zombie babies hehehehehe, zombie baby body partsetc,etc,etc And let her know in a very excited way what your plans are for the party. I would be the first and last time that I was asked a question like that. The nerve of her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## JahRah (Oct 23, 2009)

I take back everything I suggested. I like Thundr's idea!!! Hilarious!!!


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## discobandit (May 6, 2010)

If she does that, the MIL will just make her not be allowed to celebrate halloween anymore like the witch did for six months with christmas


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## LonnieC (May 19, 2010)

Sounds like a topic for a talk show! What an absolute rude person your MIL sounds like....sometimes, I just dont know what to think about people anymore....My answer to her would be a definite I...dont.....frickin....think...so......lady....


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## IshWitch (May 19, 2006)

the good witch said:


> Lord, i don't have a dog in this fight....but i have seen how this kind of stuff affects children.. i mean creepyhomemaker actually has a MIL who rides a broom.. if she has someone at this party and it turned out it was their Bday, would she not put a candle on a cupcake and sing happy Bday??? would that take away from her party??? would it not show others ie children, that she is a kind and thoughtful person??? it's a party for godsake.. the earth will not stop turning if she puts a cake on a table for a baby.....<snip>


I hate to say this, but you are so wrong.

Creepyhomemaker and hubby need to say NO and stand firm.

For starters, it is a "first birthday" party. There will be no damage to the baby's psyche. And first birthdays need to be just family and very close friends. Not in the middle of a melee of costumed middle schoolers. 

Secondly, the Halloween party for 'Tweens isn't even _*on*_ the baby's birthday. All those kids around, a one-year-old will cry the entire time, doesn't matter how "outgoing" they are, know this from experience. All that action, music, people going on, the baby won't be able to tell that this is special for him.

Thirdly, it is obvious MIL is only looking for a free hand out. Trying to crash their party and use it for her own devices.

And lastly, tell you that she demands the party will be at your party! WHAT?!? And that's how it is going to be? WHAT?!? She doesn't give a party for *your* daughter, let alone a gift or call?!? She should be grateful if *all* you said was NO!
You allow this and you can expect more, 'cuz once the inch is given the mile isn't far behind!
Hope you do it this weekend and tell us how it goes!!!

Good luck to you and your husband! You may end up with a better relationship with her if you set your boundaries now, stranger things have happened!


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## ter_ran (Jan 14, 2006)

Sorry to hear of this situation! I would personally, speak to my spouse and make sure it is understood that Halloween is my true passion and don't want it ruined by an imposing MIL. Thats my 1-1/2 cents... Good Luck with your Party!


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## Guest (Jun 26, 2010)

Creepyhomemaker asked us all ‘What would you all do?’ IMHO, I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers, from us, to this. All we know is what Creepyhomemaker has told us. From my life experiences, there are 3 sides to every story- her side, MIL’s side, and the truth.
Creepyhomemaker- am curious to what happened with your other dilemma around the same time last year? click on: http://www.halloweenforum.com/general-halloween/77839-terrible-coincidence.html


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

IshWitch said:


> Not in the middle of a melee of costumed middle schoolers.
> 
> Secondly, the Halloween party for 'Tweens isn't even _*on*_ the baby's birthday.


I think I misrepresented something. My party guests are 17 and up with only the occasional 12 or 13 year old muxed in. There are a few members of the community that come to my party that my MIL seems to be trying to impress. When they make a big deal about the artistic part of what I've done, it always seems as though she's trying to find ways to take credit for it or make it seem like she was more involved than everyone else, which she isn't. Since the baby has been born she's been trying to turn him into the official party mascot. She now acts like everything pertaining to Halloween is somehow exclusively his. In fact she walked in my prop shop the other day and said (talking to the baby as if he were talking) "tell her that's yours, because you're the Halloween baby". 

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and she doesn't push me around. She just takes credit for things that have nothing to do with her. or she gives credit for everything we do or have to my husband. In fact funny story my mother and her got into an argument last year about who loves Halloween more, me or my husband. Someone had asked them who was responsible for "all this". When we first started doing our Haunt and stuff, my inlaws said it was immature and_ I_ had too much time on my hands. Now that it's gotten popular around here, she's trying to jump on my 15 min. of fame every year. That's what I think the deal is with this baby.


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

creeepycathy said:


> Creepyhomemaker asked us all ‘What would you all do?’ IMHO, I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers, from us, to this. All we know is what Creepyhomemaker has told us. From my life experiences, there are 3 sides to every story- her side, MIL’s side, and the truth.
> Creepyhomemaker- am curious to what happened with your other dilemma around the same time last year? click on: http://www.halloweenforum.com/general-halloween/77839-terrible-coincidence.html


Yea, I should have titled my topic: How to eliminate unwanted birthday parties? 3 sides? There is her side: she wants to have her great grandsons birthday while I'm having my Halloween party. And then there's my side: I don't want her to.

As for my other topic you asked about. They are not living there anymore. It had nothing to do with Halloween. The new tenants believe the house is haunted. It could be. Where that house now sits, used to be the undertakers house and he prepared bodies in the basement. I didn't tell them that before they moved in. Just like before it didn't seem neccesary. Luckily, they feel they are friendly ghosts.


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## JahRah (Oct 23, 2009)

Did you speak with your husband about it yet? What did he think/say?


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## Guest (Jun 26, 2010)

Or maybe you should've titled your thread : 'I want your opinion on (insert problem here) but only if you agree with me.' Not 'Please Help! I'm not sure what to do.' We simply gave our opinions, like you asked.


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

creeepycathy said:


> Or maybe you should've titled your thread : 'I want your opinion on (insert problem here) but only if you agree with me.' Not 'Please Help! I'm not sure what to do.' We simply gave our opinions, like you asked.


What? I'm fine that you said that I should let her go ahead. But honestly I didn't realize that you were one of the "Yays" until I went back and reread all the comments just now. You seem to feel as passionately about this as I do. I think you must have a better MIL than I do. Or perhaps you are a better one than she is. But I was appalled that she assumed it would be o.k. and I guess I was just checking to see whether my reaction was that of a normal person or a Halloween freak and what reaction you all might have had and what you all would do if it were your situation.


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## Decorinator (Sep 16, 2009)

Especially from the additional info you've provided, you have every reason to be appalled and annoyed. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work!

So now the "Halloween Baby" has to be considered part of your celebration - what a convenient way for her to take control and receive credit for your event (without any other contribution, of course.)

So here's a couple more questions, if you wish to answer them:

Does your MIL normally attend your party?

Under what circumstances did she make her announcement that "halloween baby" should have his birthday celebrated at your party?

And how did you respond?

If you didn't really give her a direct answer at the time she made her announcement, I know what I'd do ---- I'd ignore it for the time being.

The next time it gets brought up, and from the sounds of her, it'll get brought up again, I'd look confused and say something like "oh gosh, you mean your were serious? I thought you were joking! Goodness that party is no place to properly celebrate the Halloween Babie's Birthday - why, he needs his own special day! I guess if you want to bring him by our party for a little while you could, but he'll probably be bored/frightened/etc. But I'll bet he look adorable in his little costume!"

If you really want to lay it on thick, you can volunteer some Halloween decorations for his own "SPECIAL PARTY." Which had better be on another day at someone else's home.

At any rate, if you've been dealing with this for 20 years, you must have a pretty good idea of what you're up against. You have my sympathies!


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## Guest (Jun 26, 2010)

Okay, this is my last response. I'm wore out. LOL
First, I agree that she’s a presumptuous witch. But, being ‘right’ in denying a party doesn’t necessarily make for a good decision (IMO). When it comes to family, sometimes, it’s best just to be nice. Your children, and all the other cousins & relatives, are aware of her actions.(they, too, know you're right) But they are, also, watching your re-action to her. Children learn how to treat others by seeing adults interact. 
And how important is it to be right? I’m going to get real deep for a second and throw out a hypothetical situation: None of us are promised tomorrow. If something were to happen (heaven forbid) would you really want the last memory to be a bitter one?
Who knows, one small, kind gesture may snowball between the two of you.
Maybe I’m having a hard time seeing your perspective. I just don’t get it. 
Nothing personal, creepyhomemaker, just my opinion.


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## Hoodoo_Hermit (Nov 4, 2009)

I think most of the posters agree on one thing: Relationships of any kind need boundaries. Regardless of creepycathy's outlook, it is not always healthy to allow people to have their way. Especially if their way will cause you to be taken advantage of. Even if you allowed her to take over your party for the sake of kindness, you, your husband, and likely some of the guests would be unhappy. Lets not forget the probable resentment that would follow. I believe you have to stand firm on this. Set that boundary and take solace in knowing you are doing the healthy thing. She'll get over it and if she does not then she probably has some control issues. Hang in there, its not always easy to tell people no but all of us need to hear it from time to time, regardless if tomorrow never comes.....


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

creeepycathy said:


> Okay, this is my last response. I'm wore out. LOL
> First, I agree that she’s a presumptuous witch. But, being ‘right’ in denying a party doesn’t necessarily make for a good decision (IMO). When it comes to family, sometimes, it’s best just to be nice. Your children, and all the other cousins & relatives, are aware of her actions.(they, too, know you're right) But they are, also, watching your re-action to her. Children learn how to treat others by seeing adults interact.
> And how important is it to be right? I’m going to get real deep for a second and throw out a hypothetical situation: None of us are promised tomorrow. If something were to happen (heaven forbid) would you really want the last memory to be a bitter one?
> Who knows, one small, kind gesture may snowball between the two of you.
> ...


I know you didn't mean anything personal by it and I appreciate that. To me it is not a small issue. To me it isn't important to be right. It is about my own children. She never remembers their birthdays She doesn't even remember my husband's. She has nothing to do with the other grandchildren except him. And now his baby. She also still supports her son who is the grandfather of the baby. 3 generations under her wing and none are independent. My husband left home when he was 17 and has been working and supporting himself and us since, completely without any help from them. He took Halloween off every year so we could dress up as a family and go to school with the kids. When they got to Jr. high and we couldn't go to school anymore, we started having the party as a way to keep our traditions going. I don't want her to take anything about our Halloween traditions and make it about any of them. We work for months on that one night and I am not doing it for people who cannot work and take care of their own children. To me it feels like it would be disrespectful to my children.


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

Sometimes you get friends or relatives that are nothing short of crazy and just waiting for you to "be the bigger person" or be nice like anyone normally would - and take advantage of each and every situation without fail. I have a feeling that this is the case with Creepy's MIL unfortunately.

This is kind of my take on the situation colored with my experience:

Kind gestures and being polite just sail right over their heads as they expect others to do what they say as their god-given right - so it wouldn't be seen as kindness, but as obedience. It gives them the excuse to continue their demands - the "give an inch/take a mile" type situation. Denying the MIL's demand isn't so much a situation of who is right, but of taking back control and preventing further bullying and demands down the road. It is self-preservation.


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## MHooch (Jun 15, 2007)

You are not a bed person. If I were you I would feel exactly the same way. I really feel like it is important to have boundaries, and just because the person crossing your boundary is family doesn't mean they get a free pass. I have a situation in my family where my brother (the youngest sibling) has had his way payed and smoothed over his whole entire life (of 44 years ) by my parents while he has generally goofed off. It's been a real issue in the family through the years. I am the only one who does not "loan" him money, pay his bills and excuse his bad behavior. Some family members think I'm wrong for not helping to support a fully grown able bodied man. And I'm fine with that. After my daughter was born I realized it was best to show her that you don't let people take advantage of you, but perhaps more importantly, that people who make their own way in the world have the respect of others. You can be kind and respectful to people without letting them walk on you. I feel that you are absolutely right about setting a good example for your children.

So...IMHO if my MIL was trying to horn in on my Halloween celebration I'd politely but firmly say "No". She can have a party for the greatgrandson if she wants to, and you'll gladly attend and even bring the little tyke a gift. But during your hard-earned Halloween celebration? I don't think so...


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## Guest (Jun 26, 2010)

if the mother in law is so pushy, and she has done these awful things to you, your children, and your husband. why have you been inviting her to the party for 20 years?????? i mean if you don't like her, and you are not going to meet halfway, and this party is so important to you and your family why are you inviting her ???? ( I think i have this one figured out) this is my last response..


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## Kymmm (Oct 1, 2009)

I think..... I'm exhausted.. I'm going to go hug my entire family and then take a nap.


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## tinafromidaho (May 8, 2008)

Soooo she's wanting to have a party for a one year old at your Halloween party
I would do the old smothering her with thanks that she thought of you but apologize all over yourself telling her it's just not possible.
i.e. "Thank you so much for thinking of us, I would love to host his B-day, but I'm soooooo sorry, there's no way with all the stuff we have going on and I would hate to make him scared of Halloween at such a young age, but I would love love love to come over and help you decorate your house with a Halloween theme for his birthday."


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## Ween12amEternal (Apr 15, 2006)

Maybe a compromise would be to have it during the afternoon (we're talking Sunday, right?) That way you're giving her a party, but it wouldn't interfere with your regular Halloween party. Just make sure she supplies cake, plates, etc.


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## NOWHINING (Jul 25, 2009)

First, tell the 23 year old to grow the H*LL up!
Second, ask the MIL why?, then NO, and why should you plan a birthday party on your Halloween party?, and when since she was allow to take over?

Talk to your hubby... If he agress with you, band together talk it out and then face the MIL.

Only wish you luck.


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## Shockwave199 (Jan 18, 2007)

Putting your husband in the middle- BIG trouble. Avoid this.

Explain that you wish to keep the party one theme and one theme only- Halloween. Make a birthday party for the kid, a separate, wonderful event- all on it's own. That keeps a birthday party in the mix, but keeps it out of your Halloween party. Set a presidence NOW or this will be your world for the unforseeable future. Good luck!

Btw- your name for this guy, The basement dweller , stimulates some prop thoughts! Thanks! LOL!

Dan


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## kittyvibe (Oct 27, 2008)

I just want to know if you said anything yet? Been reading the comments all week and I cant wait to hear the results  Like many others, I would have said no when she brought it up but I dont know how your responded when she made the announcement.


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## Sidnami (Apr 26, 2010)

I got a great idea. Go ahead and invite MIL to your party. But do this first. Get a good face picture of your MIL. Make a zombie display. Replace the zombie's face with the picture of your MIL. Display proudly. 

Now make a giant poster of the MIL's face. Have the skin colored in green. Make little green warts. Now everyone can play pin the wart on the MIL... I mean witch. 

Now lets see her take credit for that!!!!! 


Now was that a little over the top? Maybe. But at least she'll learn her lesson. Worst case, she says she's not going to pass out candy anymore.


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## rockplayson (Jun 7, 2008)

I'd say ( i really would say this btw) hey sorry but my party has been planned. I'm going to have alot of adults that will be drinking. I don't want this night to be mixed with a childs party.


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## Terror Tom (Nov 3, 2008)

No! NO! NOOOOO!!!! Stick with your own plans. The MIL has no right to piggyback on to YOUR party.


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## creepyhomemaker (May 10, 2008)

I haven't had an opportunity to talk to her yet but I think the perfect chance coming up this weekend. My husbands grandmother has a family gathering on the 4th of July and we always go over there for a while before going to watch the public fireworks. It is her son's birthday on the 4th and everyone knows it but they don't have a party for him there. I am going to tell MIL it's not going to happen and I don't care how she feels about it.


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## 22606 (Aug 11, 2008)

Good for you, creepyhomemaker. I wish you luck


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## Thom_Serveaux (May 8, 2008)

Can't really improve on what everyone else has said. But as a potential suggestion for the decor (assuming there's time enough) an additional prop,either inside or out (preferably inside) a witch and name her "MIL-ly" (though don't spell it that way, it'd be too much of a tip off to your 'inspiration'.) 

You could even seem to want to bury the hatchet, and inform her that you're collecting clothes for the needy, and ask her if she'd like to contribute. Then you could have one of her old dresses end up on your prop (purely by coincidence, of course....)


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