# 10 Reasons Halloween is the Best Holiday Ever



## fritzthefox (Aug 15, 2009)

1) It is the only pagan holiday that is completely voluntary. If you don't want to play, simply turn the porch light off and don't answer the door. No one will hold it against you. 

Try that on Christmas and see what your relatives say. 

2) Halloween music is much better than Christmas music. When is the last time you heard Ozzy rip out a Christmas carol with Randy Rhoads shredding on guitar? Some people claim heavy metal makes kids violent, but I would argue that two months of ceaceless Bing Crosby is far more likely to make you homicidal.

3) You get to stay up late and eat candy. Lots of candy. Only Thanksgiving has better food, but on Thanksgiving you either have to drive all night or wash dishes.

4) Naughty nurses, French Maids, Playboy Bunnies, Slinky Cat costumes...this could be a whole list in itself. 

5) Let's face it, pumpkins aren't the most popular food item. They barely fit in the fridge and most of them would just sit around and rot if it weren't for annual pumpkin flinging contests. Galagher can only smash so many. But on Halloween, pumpkin farmers can finally sell them all. Farmers win, because they make money, and homeowners win, because they are cheap decorations, and people who don't even celebrate Halloween win, because they don't permanetly stain porches. 

6) It's the only time of year you can dress up your dog without appearing insane.

7) You don't have to agonize endlessly over what to get someone for Halloween. You just give them a Snickers. You can buy those in bulk. 

8) Most holidays belong to someone. Christmas is for Christians, Hannukah for Jews, Valentine's Day for lovers, Thanksgiving for Americans. Halloween is for anyone who wants it, young and old alike. Even dead people.

9) The leaves are turning, the skies are clear, the air is cool and dry. Halloween has some of the most enjoyable weather of the year. And even if it turns out to be a dark and stormy night...that's cool, too. 

10) We are all afraid. Every one of us lives every day with the fear of the neverending dark. Halloween is the one day WE get to be scary. We put on our masks and dance around the fire (well, the disco ball, but it used to be a fire, and still could be if the electrician didn't tighten all the screws) and shout our defiance at the gods. Halloween isn't just about being scared: it's about conquering your fears. It's walking into that haunted house and coming out the other side safe and sound. It's heaving a sigh of relief at the end of the horror movie when the boogie man is vanquished (For now....hahahahaha). It's our way of flipping our middle finger up at fate. And it is what life is all about. 

We are all going to die. We all universally agree that it probably sucks. (Corpses rarely smile, and when they do you wish they would stop.) What is important is that we don't waste our short span of existence paralyzed with fear. Halloween lets us do that by giving us a chance to look the grim reaper in his empty eye socket and tell him it ain't time yet so get on down the road. We've still got some partying to do. 

Plus girls with diaphenous gowns and vampire teeth are HAWT.


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## aero4ever (Oct 19, 2009)

Adding 2 more to your list:

It's the only holiday where it's ok to be alone. All the other holidays involve family. Not every one has family.

It the only holiday where when I scare the crap out of your children you think I rock and laugh your ass off!


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

fritzthefox said:


> 1) It is the only pagan holiday that is completely voluntary. If you don't want to play, simply turn the porch light off and don't answer the door. No one will hold it against you.


All holidays are voluntary



> 6) It's the only time of year you can dress up your dog without appearing insane.


Sorry to disappoint , but you still appear insane


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## piraticalstyle (Sep 1, 2009)

Fritzthefox, thank you for this list. I completely agree, and I needed a shot in the arm. I'm venturing into the dark territory of "had enough for this year". This helped pull me out. Oh, and from a reformed (not really) english major, thanks for the use of "diaphanous" and you are completely right about women wearing such gowns and smiling with fangs!


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## lisa48317 (Jul 23, 2010)

great compliation - was good for a chuckle (and making me look like I'm nuts at work!)


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## runmikeyrun (Oct 7, 2008)

I've seen hundreds of people who have just recently died (i used to work in organ donation) and I've only seen two smiling corpses, and both were men who died having sex.


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## NOWHINING (Jul 25, 2009)

runmikeyrun said:


> I've seen hundreds of people who have just recently died (i used to work in organ donation) and I've only seen two smiling corpses, and both were men who died having sex.


 
Do you work at the Arkon General Hospital? I have family in the Arkon, OH area.


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