# Halloween safety tips!



## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy, and safe! 

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 
2. Never read a book about demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. 
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. 
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone. 
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. 
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. 
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT! 
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. 
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. 
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. 
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on -- kill them immediately. 
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. 
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. 
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices. Also if your house ever tells you to "GET OUT!!!" do so immediately. Leave your stuff and go. 
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle, preferably a heavy flashlight. Wearing steel-toe boots would show great insight. 
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside. 
22. If favorite dolls or toys begin telling you things or playing with you, don't wait to see if they are going to turn evil. Nothing good has ever come of these situations, so go ahead and get rid of them.
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## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

well, i thought they were funny


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## isis11571 (Sep 7, 2004)

LoL;Johnnythunder ,thanks 4 posting I need a big laugh!!!

On all Hallows eve,when the moon is high,I get a little twinkle in my sweet green eyes,For I know haunts abound,with goblins and witches and just may leave you in tatters and stitches ,So careful as you enter my halloween crypt cause safty is the key and i got the neighbors whipped,HAHAHAA,
ISIS


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## isis11571 (Sep 7, 2004)

thats "needed" sometimes my fingers r faster than my mind

On all Hallows eve,when the moon is high,I get a little twinkle in my sweet green eyes,For I know haunts abound,with goblins and witches and just may leave you in tatters and stitches ,So careful as you enter my halloween crypt cause safty is the key and i got the neighbors whipped,HAHAHAA,
ISIS


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## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

I didn't make them up but I always send it out to everyone on Halloween. I found it last year somehwere on the internet. I saw in another forum here someone posted it also.


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## ccscastle (Oct 5, 2004)

hmm i thought i posted to this funny stuff..lol. well maybe i imagined i did. i saw that somewhere and made a booklet out of them to hand to my guests. i made about 4 so they could make the rounds around the house. it was simple print them with some cute clipart and hotglue the edges to flip. -CC


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## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

It is pretty funny[}]


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## thehalloweenqn (Oct 3, 2004)

My brother and his friend loved #13. Didn't think they would ever stop laughing!



I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the sensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, there I closed my eyes in langorous ecstasy and waited, waited with beating heart-Bram Stoker


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## frizzen (Sep 9, 2004)

I showed my g/f, and she pointed out a few others...

23. Don't have sex when there is a killer in your town. Sex kills. 
24. Don't say "I'll be back" because you know you never will. 
25. Don't be a pain in the ass or too whiney or complain...because there's just 
someone out there dying to kill you. 
26. Don't go to parties...the killer always shows up there at some point. 


I want a hearse.


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## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

Ha nice


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## thehalloweenqn (Oct 3, 2004)

tell your g/f great additions!



I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the sensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, there I closed my eyes in langorous ecstasy and waited, waited with beating heart-Bram Stoker


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## blackwidow (Jun 13, 2004)

LMAO
Thanks, I needed that!








 Widow's Gallery


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## Johnny Thunder (Oct 7, 2004)

I sent these out at work today and got a pretty good reaction. I also included them in some gift bags I made up for certain kids.[}]


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