# stupid halloween joles



## deadinside (Nov 21, 2003)

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? 
- - - He was buttering up his teacher. 

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? 
- - - He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo? 
- - - I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball? 
- - - He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? 
- - - All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How did the ghost patch his sheet? 
- - - With a pumpkin patch. 

How does a girl vampire flirt? 
- - - She bats her eyes.

What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant? 
- - - He had two waiters and a busboy.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween? 
- - - Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae? 
- - - Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? 
- - - I Scream. 

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? 
- - - Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair? 
- - - Scare spray. 

What do you call a little monster's parents? 
- - - Mummy and deady.

What do you call a monster with no neck? 
- - - The Lost Neck Monster.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? 
- - - A sand witch.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. 
- - - A sour-puss.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
- - - Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? 
- - - Bamboo. 

What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day? 
- - - Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? 
- - - He is mist.

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater? 
- - - The actors get stage fright.

What instrument do skeletons play? 
- - - Trom-BONE.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? 
- - - A celebrity roast.

What is a vampire's favorite holiday? 
- - - Fangsgiving.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang? 
- - - His other fang.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? 
- - - Decomposing.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? 
- - - Mas-scare-a.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make? 
- - - Boo boos. 

What kind of music do ghosts listen to? 
- - - Sheet music.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? 
- - - A boo-tie.

What was the witches' favorite subject in school? 
- - - Spelling.

What's a ghost's favorite desert? 
- - - Boo-berry pie.

What's a monster's favorite bean? 
- - - A human bean.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? 
- - - It's a pain in the neck.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? 
- - - Dayscare centers. 

Where do most werewolves live? 
- - - In Howllywood, California.

Where does a ghost go on vacation? 
- - - Mali-boo.

Where does a one-armed man shop? 
- - - At a second hand store.

Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch? 
- - - At the casketeria.

Which building does Dracula visit in New York? 
- - - The Vampire State Building.

Which songs does Dracula hate? 
- - - "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders."

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? 
- - - His ghoul friend. 

Who was the most famous French skeleton? 
- - - Napoleon bone-apart.

Who was the most famous ghost detective? 
- - - Sherlock Moans.

Who was the most famous skeleton detective? 
- - - Sherlock Bones.

Who was the most famous witch detective? 
- - - Warlock Holmes.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? 
- - - Because of his coffin. 

Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria? 
- - - He heard children were half price.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? 
- - - He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the ghost go into the bar? 
- - - For the boos.

Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test? 
- - - To see if she was his type.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? 
- - - He had no guts.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? 
- - - He had no body to dance with.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? 
- - - Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Why do mummies make excellent spies? 
- - - They're good at keeping things under wraps. 

Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? 
- - - He has a bat temper.

Why don't mummies take vacations? 
- - - They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? 
- - - They're afraid of flying off the handle! 

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? 
- - - Because everyone was a goblin! 

Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ? 
- - - The cook was beating the eggs.


Tiff


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