# Adult party, but one guest wants to bring kids!



## Long_Tom (Oct 26, 2005)

Did he ask "is it okay?" or did he say "we're bringing the kids."...? 

If the former, I don't see a problem. Some parties are kid-friendly, others aren't. Finding out which kind this one is should be just an exchange of information. If you already told him so in the invitation, he's being obtuse, but as long as he accepts it gracefully when you reconfirm your plans, no big deal.

If he's turning it into an issue, that's not okay. 

If he feels like he can't afford the babysitter, that's his issue, not yours. It's a legitimate reason to decline, but not something you need to feel guilty over.

Good luck with your party!


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## colmmoo (Jul 23, 2005)

Don't worry to much about that. If they were younger like 2 or 3, then you'd have to worry more because they would touch EVERYTHING. Not sure what their kids are like. Hopefully the parents are considerate enough to tell their kids off if they look like they're going to break something. 

If they bring the kids, they will likely leave by 9:00 at the latest. Kids at that age get tired really fast at that time.


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

Long_Tom said:


> Did he ask "is it okay?" or did he say "we're bringing the kids."...?
> 
> If the former, I don't see a problem. Some parties are kid-friendly, others aren't. Finding out which kind this one is should be just an exchange of information. If you already told him so in the invitation, he's being obtuse, but as long as he accepts it gracefully when you reconfirm your plans, no big deal.
> 
> ...


He asked "is it okay to bring the kiddos?" but this is with a notation in the email invite that it was an adult party, and the start time at 8 pm. Asking to bring the kids to everything is a standard thing with him, and he actually is pretty dumb with picking up on stuff.

Thanks for the insight - friend probably just assumed if he asked, it wouldn't hurt. It doesn't help that I'm not really that fond of him.



> Don't worry to much about that. If they were younger like 2 or 3, then you'd have to worry more because they would touch EVERYTHING. Not sure what their kids are like. Hopefully the parents are considerate enough to tell their kids off if they look like they're going to break something.


No, they are pretty careless parents, and have no respect for other people's stuff. They would NOT be supervising the kids... we've had them over before and the friend actually damaged my brand new coffee table by throwing his huge keyring onto it from across the room. He pays no attention to his kids, and leaves it up to the wife, who is a mouse.

We have things like bloody body parts, life-size anamatronics and the only bathroom is going to be rigged up as a murder scene, (blood, blacklights, and sobbing woman sound effects) so if they bring the kids, it's going to tramatize them even if they are well-behaved.

See, I don't want to worry about kids there at all, supervised or not. It's our house, so I would think that they would respect our wishes and either come without kids or not come at all. 

Is that too much to ask?


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## Jackielantern (Oct 31, 2005)

Not at all Frankie.


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## peyote2004 (Oct 12, 2007)

Maybe I'm a bit of a *****, but I would be very blunt in telling him the kids aren't welcome. If he was told when he was invited that it was an adult party, then he shouldn't even be asking.

I had friends this year that wanted to bring their kids, and I said no, but I invited them over on another day to visit with the kids and a warning that I had some gorey.scary decorations.


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## Long_Tom (Oct 26, 2005)

Sheesh, he sounds like a big kid himself. Are you sure you want to invite him at all? 

No, you are right. It is your house and your party. You get to set the rules. Hopefully he was just being clueless.

The only thing I can think to suggest is making the wording in the invitation very clear: instead of "Adult party" say "Please, no children" or maybe "this event will not be appropriate for children." Possibly include the reasons why, but some people take explanations as an invitation to argue. ("Oh, no, my kids can handle it...")


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## Ween12amEternal (Apr 15, 2006)

peyote2004 said:


> Maybe I'm a bit of a b****, but I would be very blunt in telling him the kids aren't welcome. If he was told when he was invited that it was an adult party, then he shouldn't even be asking.
> 
> _I had friends this year that wanted to bring their kids, and I said no, but I invited them over on another day to visit with the kids and a warning that I had some gorey.scary decorations._


ITA, with people like that, you have to be blunt. It might make your husband uncomfortable having to be like that, but it's better than having your party spoiled by selfish folks too cheap to find a babysitter. Also, I like the offer of coming over at another time, it gives both sides an out.

Unless you could find a mutual friend that you could arrange for them to drop their kids off with - but that's really going above and beyond, and it doesn't sound like these friends are close enough to warrant it.


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## Bobcats110 (Oct 23, 2007)

Long Tom said it best...."your house, your party". I think you cite the alcohol, gory deco and time frame as reasons kids are not welcome. "Maybe we can get together some other time".

Wash your hands of it and don't let it ruin YOUR good time.


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## colmmoo (Jul 23, 2005)

Figures after I gave my two cents earlier, I now have a somewhat related problem. My husband's friends have a 7-month-old so they have asked us to come at 5 pm and leave at 7 pm, the actual start time of the party. 5 pm is when I start really getting ready for the party, including food preparation, so I don't know what to do. Those two hours are critical party prep time. : ( My husband already told them that I will likely be running around and won't be able to sit down to entertain them. My neighbor has a Pack and Play playpen that she can lend to me. I'm hoping that they can just put the baby to sleep in it at 7 pm (her normal bedtime) so they don't have to come to early and they can stay for the party. 

Anyone have experience with a 7-month-old baby? Do they take a long time to fall asleep if they're not in their regular surroundings?


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

All babies are different, but most likely the baby would sleep in a quiet back bedroom if you had the pack n play for them. Talk to the friends and see if this would be a good solution for them.

So sorry this came up for you too, but babies would be much easier than a toddler - so hope your friend's little one is a good sleeper!


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## colmmoo (Jul 23, 2005)

Thanks Frankie's Girl. She's known to be a good sleeper. I'm hoping that her mom can hold her for awhile then when she falls asleep put her in the pack n play. 

Good luck with the toddlers. I would try to keep any of cool props out of reach if you can. 

Since your husband isn't that close to that guy, maybe he should just go ahead and just tell him straight off and emphasize again that the party is for adults only. If he gets annoyed, it's no loss to you since he wasn't a really close friend anyway. Oh! Maybe your husband can just tell him that the party has been cancelled! That's assuming that guy doesn't live too close and can drive by to check.


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## halloweenking (Aug 6, 2007)

I hope you have a good party.


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## OKHaunting (Sep 6, 2007)

My wife and I also have an adult-only party, and we do our best to be sure everyone understands that. I will admit feeling a bit awkward reminding some new folks that it is not a child-safe party, but it is everyone's interest ( I think) to make it as clear as possible on the invitations and in replies following RSVPs. There is alcohol, some gory props, and some fragile props that I want left alone. Luckily our friends have learned over the years to expect and respect our decision, and I think more than anything, I would feel more awkward if I knew my friends went to great lengths to get babysitters, etc. and then someone else drags their kid along with them. Having said that, we do let folks bring their <1 year olds. They generally leave early and are less likely to impact the party. Anyway, just my 2 cents.


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## LV Scott T (Aug 14, 2007)

Our early parties were all-ages, but several years ago (2001, I think), we started adding "16 & older" to the invitations, but added that this was a suggested age, and left it up to the parents to decide if they bring their kids. Most of our guests agree that they feel more comfortable drinking & carrying on if their kids are not there. Plus, we have babysitting in the house next door ($10/kid), so if they CAN'T stand being away from their youngins for more than an hour or 2, they can always run next door & check on them.

We went "adults only" mostly because drunk men and teenage girls in sexy costumes do NOT make a good combination.

We have 1 guest that insists on bringing his daughter to our parties. I think it's a poor decision on his part, but he's her parent, not me.


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## Spookilicious mama (Feb 27, 2008)

I like the idea of saying this may not be appropriate for children. Let them know it might be too traumatizing for them. Nothing wrong with that.


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## theworstwitch (Aug 14, 2006)

If after all your warnings he brings young kids anyway, just make it SCARY. It will teach them a lesson.


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## darkness (Sep 1, 2005)

We have kids but we have an adult party with no kids and another party for the kids and it seems to work out good.


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## Madame Turlock (Nov 2, 2007)

I think it is important to consider the comfort of all your guests. Children are only going to be bored at an adult party; their parents will not be able to relax and enjoy themselves. Other guests my be uncomfortable with the kids around and feel restrained in how they socialize because of the presence of young eyes and ears. It is not wrong to let your friends know you would not be comfortable with including children (not just their children) for your adults-only party.


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## pandora (Jul 15, 2004)

I agree with everyone else - wholeheartedly. Don't get me wrong - I like kids. I have two daughters and five nieces, but here's the thing. Most of our "party" lives are devoted to kids' parties: birthdays, graduations, Easter, Christmas, etc. etc. It seems like you're at a kids party every month if you have kids. Soooo when it comes to Adult Parties - I feel like we earn the right to say - this is MY time. I even kick my youngest daughter out for my Bewitched Bash party. She's only 7 and the idea is having a party for all the great women I know in my life and just having fun. I've told her when she's older she can come. Her sister gets to come - but she's 14. I know this may sound selfish... but oh well. 

So saying all that blah blah blah - I would definitely be specific about it being an adult party and don't feel guilty. If you feel bad, try and help them find a babysitter - but it is your party. Kick up your heels and have a blast.


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## Haunted Host (Aug 25, 2007)

OKHaunting - your post was almost identical to my situation, all the way up to the <1 year-olds.

No kids at our party, period. The invitations state it and I have no problem telling people that it is "Adults Only and Costumes Mandatory". I tell them that if any of them show up in violation of either of these requirements, we'll close the door in their face... no matter the distance they've traveled. I'm not mean or rude about it. I'm just matter-of-fact, and those who know us, know that we'll do it. No one has tested us on either requirement yet. Actually, anyone who has made a comment to me about has said that they're relieved to have one night to themselves to hang out with friends. Both rules have become very popular especially with those who have no kids. Those who don't want to wear a costume, or don't want to come without their kids simply don't come... and we still had somewhere around 55 people last year. This year figures to be 65+.

Our age rule is if they're old enough to drive (16), they're old enough to drive their intoxicated parents home, so they're allowed.  My oldest brother is the only one that has asked to bring his kids, and he asked if they could stop by 1 hour before so the kids can see the decorations.

The reason I'm such a stickler on the age rule is because I don't want to spend the whole party entertaining kids, and I don't want my guests to have to do the same. I went *them* to have a good time, not their kids. Also, almost every prop in my house is very breakable and I can't be chasing kids around the house making sure they're not touching anything. If the kids break a favorite, expensive prop, am I supposed ask to be reimbursed, or do I just resent those friends? If I don't allow kids, I don't have to worry about that decision.

We don't have kids yet, but when we do... they're outta here. We'll definitely be getting a sitter for our kids. Some of our friends think that once we have kids that we'll allow other kids, but they're _dead_ wrong.


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## Haunted Host (Aug 25, 2007)

pandora said:


> Most of our "party" lives are devoted to kids' parties: birthdays, graduations, Easter, Christmas, etc. etc. It seems like you're at a kids party every month


BINGO!!! Our party is for the BIG kids.  I have 6 nieces and nephews and I don't need any more kids parties.


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## Hacknslash (Aug 23, 2005)

I'm with you as well.

Parents of a little girl, love kids...but have a very firm "no children allowed" rule. Think it is hard to do at a party...we did it on our wedding as well. Had several people try to guilt trip us into bringing their kids...but gave firm, "Sorry, we look forward to seeing you at another event soon." 

Your party...your rules. Real friends understand...and it is more than fair in my book!


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## TheGothicPrincess (Sep 7, 2007)

I completely agree, being a parent, and a home haunter, there is a time and place for kids. NOT AT MY ADULT PARTY!


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

Whooo - I didn't even remember posting this!

The guy that asked to bring his kids ended up not bringing them, but they only stayed about an hour (and only a few others had shown up by the time they left, so they missed the party!)

BUT a guy that DH works with brought his 15 month old.. granted they were all in costume, but we did have to worry about a toddler underfoot and I was freaked since we'd told Guy A that there were no kids...  so I was embarrassed and DH did pull aside Guy A and told him that we had no idea that the toddler was coming, so we didn't look like we excluded his kids on purpose.

I totally love kids (would love to have a few) but a party with drinking and scary stuff is no place for little ones.


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## mikeslasher86 (Apr 4, 2008)

I understand where you're coming from... Kids make me uncomfortable at an ADULTS only party. Kids are not supposed to be exposed to alcohol and drunken people anyway. What are they thinking?


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## Nascar8mom2 (Mar 3, 2008)

*Ok i need to put in my 2 cents if you dont mind. Every year we also have a Halloween party. On my invitations it reads adult party only (absolutely no kids). This party is meant for adults and adults only! If someone shows up with kids im sorry but you have to go. I know that is mean but let me explain. I send out my invitations 8 weeks in advance that should give you plenty of time to find a sitter. I have 2 teen boys myself and they have their plans all laid out by the time our party is here. This is my kids home and they arent even aloud at the party (unless sick with fever). I plan this party all year long and i want to enjoy what took me a year to plan.
Frankies girl you were not being mean at all when you didnt want kids at your party. I can totally relate my bro in law didnt come last year because they didnt have a sitter. My hubby said oh it's ok bring her. She was 2 years old and i said to hubby UM no cause i dont want to have to worry all night long. If some people get mad because you said no kids then oh well in my opinion. If it were their house and they said no kids would you bring yours? No of course not, some people just have no respect! *


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## hallorenescene (Dec 28, 2007)

we run our kids to their parties and drop them off. we go and pick them up. we give them their time, so do they need to understand it is important for us as adults to have our time as well. i think if we were to stay at their party and be underfoot would dampen all their fun. it is not mean to need common space. kids don't need to be around when there is a drinking party and we all need to get down sometimes at all ages. by all means stand firm, no kids allowed, don't feel bad, and have a great party.


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## IshWitch (May 19, 2006)

I also put no children and costumes mandatory, I've been pretty lucky with the no kids. One year a friend drove 2 hours to come to the party and shows up with her son. I had a couple there who had been quite upset that they couldn't bring their 2 little girls and I was really embarrassed. I saw daggers in her eyes. We made it quite clear to her that we had no idea and were upset ourselves. Actually she then felt sorry for us and gave our other friend the look all night and the other friend has never brought her son again.
heheheh
As for the costume requirement, that's another story! I gave up putting required on the invites because so many people wouldn't wear them. But it p/o's me so much that I'm putting it back on this year! Bwahahahaha! With a side note that those who don't come in costume will be "costumed" at the door! Years ago someone at my job had a party and the people who came without a costume got Halloween hair spray and makeup put on them at the door. I recently had that memory suddenly come to mind, out of the blue, and it was like BAM that is what I'm gonna do!   I know who to put in charge of it, too. Our youngest son and his g/f, they are 21 and 22 and love Halloween and hate it when people don't get into the spirit.


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## Haunted Host (Aug 25, 2007)

IshWitch said:


> those who don't come in costume will be "costumed" at the door!


We've only had two people in three years come not in costume out of about 120 people. But, I love this idea!! I'm going to buy a series of masks, wigs, old tattered sports coats, and colored hairspray to put in our closet for anyone who doesn't come in costume!!! Awesome, awesome, AWESOME! Thanks for the idea.


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## IshWitch (May 19, 2006)

Haunted Host said:


> We've only had two people in three years come not in costume out of about 120 people. But, I love this idea!! I'm going to buy a series of masks, wigs, old tattered sports coats, and colored hairspray to put in our closet for anyone who doesn't come in costume!!! Awesome, awesome, AWESOME! Thanks for the idea.


Why make 'em so stylish?

I think I'll buy some giant old lady muu-muu's and used nasty wigs! 
Bwahahahaha!
Or nothing but clown gear.

Maybe that will make them think twice about next time.


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## hallorenescene (Dec 28, 2007)

one year i had a halloween party, and right in the invite it said must wear a costume or you will be made up here. four came not made up but two we knew would. one got off work and to make it sooner he just came as was. we ripped slashes in his clothes and painted him green. the hulk. and he had the physic for this, a musclar construction worker. the second was my friend and she asked if i would paint her face like a skeleton and she would wear her skeleton outfit. the other two were a couple and we painted them up with lame hearts on white faces and told them their costume was lovers. i kept warning everyone if they came without costume the opposite sex got to garb them and we had plenty of leaves to do the job. maybe this threat helped them comply.


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## IshWitch (May 19, 2006)

Cool!
That's what I'm hoping, that the thought of someone else costuming them may worry them enough to make the effort themselves. And if they don't have the $ to buy a costume they may think that this is a good way to get around spending money for one. Since that seems to be so many people's reason for not dressing up!
 
It is a vampire theme this year so if they are too lame to make a black garbage bag cape and wear a pair of 50cent fangs then they deserve what they get!
Bwahahahaha!


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## BadTableManor (Sep 8, 2007)

I have a question for those of you who've thrown an Adults Only party...
First off, our last Halloween party was the first No-Kids-Allowed one we'd thrown, and I was SHOCKED at how low some of the moms had sunk in their attempts to guilt me into making an exception for their kids. I thought it was pretty crappy for someone who claims to be a friend tell me, after months of planning and hard work, plus untold- amounts of money, what to do at MY party.

So my question to you is: Have you lost, or at least had a strain put upon, a friendship due to this issue?


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## hallorenescene (Dec 28, 2007)

i guess i never threw parties where that happened. mostly everyone was glad to have some of their own get away time. maybe mention this to them. remind them if the kids got invited to a kids party, would they want to be there, would their kids want them to be there? just as kids need their own space so do we adults. i did however spend a whole hour in the bathtub crying when trying to work on my wedding plans. it was like everyone was trying to dictate what should be done. one friend thought i should add 3 bows down each sleave and a honkin big bow across the back waist area. i loved my dress just the way it was. we had a budget to stay in so napkins with names was one place i cut, we just used plain napkins. a friend thought plain napkins was tacky. one friend i had serving and she wanted to be at the guest book. my father had passed away so i had a very good friend give me away. he was the oldest in our group i hung with and the one we all talked our problems to. a couple thought that was inappropriate, they thought i should have my husbands father give me away. they thought at least he was a father figure. i didn't even meet him till a week before the wedding. one friend didn't like my choice of songs and tried to pick for me. the singers i picked, one would never show up for practice. and so it went. i cried, kept a stiff upper lip, and did it my way. other than the singer who never showed for practice did a poor job, and the friend who was supposed to serve [and i called her the day before because i had that feeling and she assured me she was showing] never showed, my wedding was beautiful. i loved it. my sister was my personal attendant, and although she was dissapointed she didn't get to sit with us, she filled in as server. oh yeah, my florist goofed and shorted me one male lapel flower, but we turned the no show server flower into a lapel flower. i look at my pictures and just visualize how perfect that actual day was.


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## LV Scott T (Aug 14, 2007)

BadTableManor said:


> I have a question for those of you who've thrown an Adults Only party...
> First off, our last Halloween party was the first No-Kids-Allowed one we'd thrown, and I was SHOCKED at how low some of the moms had sunk in their attempts to guilt me into making an exception for their kids. I thought it was pretty crappy for someone who claims to be a friend tell me, after months of planning and hard work, plus untold- amounts of money, what to do at MY party.
> 
> So my question to you is: Have you lost, or at least had a strain put upon, a friendship due to this issue?


Our parties are Adults Only for 2 reasons really - to protect the children (mostly from the drinking & the drunks), and to allow the adults to have more fun. If someone insists on bringing his or her child (and we have one that always does), we don't say a word. The parent is now responsible for whatever the child is exposed to, and if the parent doesn't have much fun because of the child being there, tough titties! And, EVERYONE else at the party immediatelly labels the parent as irresponsible.

Does this help?


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## BadTableManor (Sep 8, 2007)

I understand your perspective, and you're correct. However, if one couple's kid shows up, everyone else gets upset cuz their kid didn't come.
In my situation, I stuck to my guns, as I didn't want my fragile stuff broken, and eventually lost contact with the woman. 
Good thing, cuz I later found out her kids are consistently infected with lice, ewww!


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## fravak (Dec 11, 2006)

We are hiring a couple babysitters again this year to entertain the kids and keep them chained up in the basement. We'll let everyone know it's fine to bring kids but they're going to be banished to the dungeon and they need to pay the babysitter. (Between $5 and $10 per kid for the night. Cheaper than getting your own sitter around here.) 

The two babysitters have a blast with the kids and make a lot of money. Best of all, we're not all fighting to get these two girls to babysit for each of us. (At least 5 or 6 of the couples that come to our parties use the same babysitters.)


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## hallorenescene (Dec 28, 2007)

fravok, that sounds like a really good idea, i wish i was the babysitter!


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## BadTableManor (Sep 8, 2007)

I agree. It's brilliant.


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## Nascar8mom2 (Mar 3, 2008)

*Great idea but....


Unfortunately i dont have a place for all the kiddies to hang out without it being inside my house. And that is so not going to happen. I have way to much stuff that is breakable. I also plan this party all year long and i want to enjoy myself without worrying what is going on inside. Also if the parents are drinking i most certainly dont want them driving with the kids in the car either. while i always tell my guest if you have had to much to drink you can stay here or we will call you a cab or have a designated driver. Just trying to keep it safe and have fun also.*


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## hallorenescene (Dec 28, 2007)

what about a parent donating in her house the space for all this to happen. or we have an old school here that can be rented out for one day for fifty bucks. the kids could all bring sleeping bags and crash there with a baby sitter. anything like that available?


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

Just noticed the original date of the opening of this thread. I wondered why you were having a 'ween party in May - DUH.

Anyway your post made me realize - absurd, but you have forced me to realize we've never had an adults only party. Either parties for my son, or later including him and his friends. Regardless, this [was] YOUR party. The invitation specifically stated adults only. 

It was EXTREMELY rude of this guest to challenge a clear condition of the invitation. It is the nature of some individuals to attempt to control any situation in which they become involved. It is frequently the nature of these individuals that they are only offended by a building falling upon them.

I suspect that the couple [did] show up, sans children, make a rude remark or two, possibly only by inuendo, during the evening, but [did] likely behave in a normal fashion (like it or not) at your party.


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## Muffy (Sep 25, 2006)

LTScare....welcome to the group & just wanted to mention....nice pictures guy. But on this subject of not bringing children to adult parties I have a question in regard to some people not following the rules. 

I give you a standing ovation dude......how in the world do you get around the home association and allowance to do a display like this. Here on the forum we had a thread sometime ago discussing living in these types of groups & one of our members was actually fined for his display so I was just curious how yours reacts to your display.

Muffy


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

Thanks Muffy,

I honestly don't know why we've never had association problems. Every year my son and I (his school work and my business travel allowing) start work in mid to late Sep. So Cal is usually pretty warm in Sep and much of the neighborhood walks outside with their kids and or dogs. Our work usually instigates more kid/parent walks. We frequently take a break or at least have a working conversation with passersby. 

Now So Cal is not known for its great neighborhood camaraderie. Certainly there are exceptions, but I've known folks who have lived in their homes for 20 years and have no idea who their neighbor is two houses away. To be honest, I'm not that different from them ... except in the fall. Because of the display, I know Mothers, Fathers, kids and dogs from areas and neighborhoods from all around our house. Parents tell me their kids pester them to drive or walk by almost daily "... to see how the haunted house is going." 

After the frame work is up and the possibility of falling 2x4s is eliminated, we welcome, even encourage the parents with little ones to let us show them all the gadgets and displays DURING THE DAY. My son is really good with the kids too. We tell them it's just plastic wood batteries and speakers and they can deal with it better at night that way. 

If I had to guess why we can start in Sep and take it down a week AFTER H'ween, I'd say there must be three reasons:
1. Our house has taken on a sort of "celebrity status" over the years. We Californians tend to love Celebrities - sometimes way toooo much. But it helps us.
2. Our community has lots and lots of little kids and the large majority of them are drawn to the display. The parents like to see their kids in awe and excited, so I guess we have no complaining parents. 
3. To the best of my knowledge, the association neighborhood inspectors are still people who live in the neighborhoods. I have no idea who ours is but I'm betting that he or she has kids.

Oh, maybe one last issue that fits in with the kids ... my son and wife have always protested stringently when I wanted to add significant amounts of blood and gore to our display. They don't want our home to be the cause of bloody, gory nightmares in the little kids. If you look closely at our display, you'll see lots of my restraint. I REALLY wanted that body in a bloody clear plastic bag hanging by its feet and wiggling, but I was out voted. So I hope we're not too wholesome, while still getting lots of screams from visitors.


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## kristian (Aug 26, 2004)

oh my god...WHAT A GREAT SUBJECT!!!!!!

I didn't have time to read through everyone's post, but here's my opinion:

IT'S YOUR PARTY...DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!

I have a Halloween party just about every year, and it is NOW understood that children are not welcome. In addition, since I usually have 150-175 people, everyone knows that they are only allowed one guest. Since many of our friends now have kids (3-5 yr old range), we have a pumpkin picking/activity party for the kids when we don't have our halloween party. Kinda evens things out a little. DO NOT leave it up to the parents to decide if it is a good idea to bring their kids, because they will be selfish, and bring them. You have to tell them "no". Sucks, and maybe you'll lose a friend, but hey, why can't they understand? I'm sure they have rules at their parties. On top of that, you have to tell them that THEIR kids might make ADULTS feel uncomfortable (drinking, joking, cursing). And them leaving early when the kids get tired...no, they'll probably let them fall asleep on a couch, floor, or maybe your bed!

As far as people who want to come over before the party starts - NO WAY!!! Too much last minute stuff to get done! If you've never had a big blow-out-bash, you're not gonna believe how much last minute stuff there is to do like: getting ice, changing last minute light bulbs that go out, fixing decorations that are out of place, or have fallen, not to mention getting your costume/makeup on!!! 

I hope this helps!


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## kristian (Aug 26, 2004)

I just realized, as well, that this original post was from last year!!! Oh well, I still think it's a great subject!!


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## Muffy (Sep 25, 2006)

LT I enjoyed reading your post...thank you so much for taking the time to explain in full detail. I feel you are very lucky that you are allowed to do what you do......your neighbors must really enjoy it & you are lucky you have no complainers. 

You mentioned people walking pass your house & enjoying the activities of watching you put your display up.......I too go through that along with the amount of kids on halloween night that come & tell me.......I watched you everyday putting up your decorations when I rode by on the school bus! Its so cute when these little ones want to chat with you. There are really perfect strangers but we seem to have this bond because of what I do. Its heart warming to say the least.

AAhhh yes......not knowing our neighbors. That my friend is common in these times anymore all around the USA. Folks are just not into getting aquainted & getting together as they use to be. I too have been quite distraught with that in my new neighborhood. I'm here 4 yrs. this month in the new house and I only speak with the neighbors on one side of me as the neighbors on the other side want nothing to do with us. Across the road I speak with the cousin of the one neighbor I talk too & his Mother. Thats it! 

It makes me very sad cause I would love to have a big fall festival of some type here at our home with a pig roast. I use to throw huge parties for up to 300 people when I had my Diner in Nebraska. Here ya just cannot seem to get anyone to want to get together. BUT...I'm working on it. As you....during Halloween they all come out of the woodwork, they come through my house with their kids & last season we honestly had more adults come through than kids. Thats when I meet all these nice people around here....but where are they the rest of the year?lol

Thats why this year I'm getting someone else to take pictures of my TOT's so I can free myself up more to get aqauinted with people. On Halloween everyone wants to talk but I'm just so busy keeping the line moving along there is no time to chat. This year I'm gonna spend a little bit more time on trying to figure out how to get these people together for something during the month of October & plan that get together for the 2009 season. I'll keep ya informed!lol

Lastly I kind of agree with your son & wife.......I too have to watch the gore in my haunt. We have over 200 kids that come that are small kids....maybe 12 and less. I would love to do a bit more gore but I have to figure a way to add it so the little ones could bypass it. I WOULD LOVE to have live actors but the truth is LT I don't know a soul out here, I'm really new to NC & have not had time to form any friendships. 

We know this season that the 3 of us cannot handle this thing alone. SO I asked the gals at the beauty shop yesterday....hows about those ladies that wear the red & purple clothes, the Red Hat Society chicks......they claim that "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" so I'm gonna see if I can contact their group & get about 7-8 of them to come help us at Halloween. The front yard scene is getting bigger & with the line we have out there I just wish we had someone to help us out there.

Then we need a greeter when they come in the mansion. I would also like to see one live person in each room as we decorate all the rooms in the house. This season we are going to try & do 2 rooms in the garage so people can exit thru there.

Last year ya came thru the house & had to get back thru the house to get out the front door.....oh my GOD it was ridiculous with so many people standing in line to get in the mansion...... so we are in serious need of some traffic control.

So yes there is always more for us to work on & more to think about. I have great admiration for these folks that do these big haunt attractions where there is so much work on getting the haunt ready and worse is trying to hire actors you know you can count on to show up thru the season. The time it takes to dress them and apply makeup and make sure everything runs smoothly....oh yes and then there is the marketing......wow lots of precise work. Maybe we are lucky we just have these small haunts!lol


Haunt On My Friend!!

the Muffster


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## Muffy (Sep 25, 2006)

Kristian....I just wanted to say you have a the right attitude about the folks that want to bring kids to your party.......I also agree with you 100%........there is nothing I hate more than guests who arrive 2 hours early & say we came early to visit & see if we can help! You really just end up having to entertain them and I'm usually hopping in the shower 30 minutes before my guests arrive. Like you there are always 50 things to get done right before the party starts!!

the Muffster


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

Clearly Kristin is the voice of party experiance. Clear, reasonable, no exceptions, no bull. Anytime you have more than 150 humans together ... er maybe more that 1 for that matter ... guidelines and rules need to be clear in order to avoid misunderstanding and crashed expectations. 

Kudos Kristin.


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

Muffy you are far more generous than I. Maybe our regional weather is an a partial impact (H'ween is usually clear and in the high 50's or low 60's), but I don't think I'd leave the front doors open to "any and all" on Halloween. The inside is just for the parties at my house. As we seen in this thread, even with people you know, it's a significant challenge. 


I learned several years ago that visitor flow is crutial to control. We had the Cave of courge up with additions each year for five or six years. In 05 the additions completely blocked the side exit to the driveway = you had to leave the same way you came in. The most narrow point was probably 5 feet because of monsters and displays along the side. Several times that year I opened the front door and could not see the street (normally a straight view of all 5 feet in width). I saw a mass of moving flesh and costume sort of surging. some coming, some going. Small kids in there could NOT have been enjoying the visit. 

In 06 we re-opened the side exit and in 07 the Z shape actually added more flow control even though the path was more narrow. We will expand this in 08 with more path "guidance".


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## Muffy (Sep 25, 2006)

For sure we learn from our mistakes and as more people come to our haunts we have to keep up with what changes have to be made. This last season I was in the same boat as you all I could see out my front door was heads, I don't think the front door ever closed for the longest time. We were nervous because of all the CORDS (even tho they were covered) outside & no one out there to watch things, also all I had in help was my neighbors 8 yr. old & he took care of the fog machine in the cemetery which belonged to him & he kept the cd playing with our music outside. He is just wonderful...... works a lot w/ us thru the year building things.

To be honest this last season was the 1st time in all of my life & all of the big halloween stuff I did at my Diner ( we had live entertainemnt & hay rides too when I had the diner) that I felt like I really lost control of watching things. We were very lucky to say the least that nothing got stolen as I have many small trinkets along the route through the inside of my house.

After joining this forum that is where the idea came from to let them come inside the house & to be honest our inside was way more decorated than the outside but no one ever saw any of it. Thats when we all sat down & said ok in everything we have in the house if something disappears or gets broke how upset will we be.

So we decided to try it & I will tell ya what....it was just great...people enjoyed all that we did inside and the biggest complaint was that they had to go through to quick & it was hard to look at everything. For me it was overwhelmingly wonderful to see people enjoy themselves with their children like that. Many said>>>oh wait I have to go get my husband to see this. This last season of 2007 was crazy cause whole families came through along with aunts & grandma's.....man I loved it!! All these big smiles on everyones face.

I have a lot of inside decorations from when I had the diner ......people use to come from all over for any holiday as we decorated like crazy!

Sooner or later something will happen that most likely will make me feel different so that is why I'm going to try & get some help. In my haunt they make their way to the "Cadaver Cafe & Candykitchen", thats our house kitchen. In there they get their treat bag plus we have a commercial popcorn machine so the house smells like a theater. They get a big bag of fresh popcorn. This last season I was sick so I did not have time to bake but 2006 I baked all kinds of stuff and parents stood in the kitchen eating!!lol

This season we will give out caskets to the parents filled with the gourmet chocolates I make in my business and we will have a bride & bridal party handing out plates of cake & punch. I use to cater weddings & made cakes for the Miss Nebraska Pageants, so I'm gonna bake a big gothic wedding cake to go along w/ our deranged bride/funeral parlor scene. This last season people asked>>>>Oh no she didn't bake this year??lol Nobody seems afraid to eat here !!lol

So yes I too sat & looked at the setbacks from last season & I am trying to makes amends in those areas.....I guess we all can call it "Growing Pains", as I have read many a posts on here about haunts that continue to grow. I was going to do some marketing of my haunt this year but we have decided to wing it one more year w/ the locals before we start promoting outside of our community boundaries. I honestly have 5 tablets I keep notes in of plans for upcoming seasons. We have a huge yard so the potential outside is enormous. Halloween is my biggest hobby & I devote time to it when I am not working at making chocolates! This forum is the right place for lunatics such as myself!!!lol

And beware, cause if ya hang in here........decorating is contagious with all these people!!

the Muffster


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

Muffy, you're truely a generous person.

I envy your large front yard too. The larger canvas upon which to create. 

We live on the side of a hill - great view, but high cost per sq ft. So we all have smaller yards. Good and bad I guess. Bad because of the ultimate buildout limitation for the haunt. Good, because it forces me to have lots of stuff to see in a small area. Lots of this stuff is small and must be tempting to little hands (glow in dark spiders, lizzards, scorpions, etc). However, in the 15 years we've been growing this haunt, not one item has been taken by anyone. I more proud of my visitors than I am of my haunt.


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## Gym Whourlfeld (Jan 22, 2003)

I have had my house open for 20 years, every night(almost) but usually things disappear in October. The first few Halloweens I was upset by this because the things they were taking were things I had made, not bought. Several hours worth of effort and original ideas went out the door to never return and I have a show here consisting of collections of MY STUFF!
Of course over 20 years people would return to fill in some of the blanks for me, telling me about friends who were cleptos who suffered losses much greater than I did as they stole here and then really bad things happened to happen to them.....Wrecked the brand new Chevy S-10 on the way home with a little trinket of mine in his pocket. His friend had warned him to not take it, return it, the Ravens Grin Deer threw itself against his speeding truck, totaling the truck.
I drew a cartoon of the space aliens hidden beside the road with a deer in a big slingshot, waiting for the next car.
One guy had one of my homemade videos, his house burnt down....


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## CROGLINVAMPIRE (Sep 21, 2006)

No offense, you seem to be a nice couple, but the guy sounds like a dumbass. Dont lose sleep over it. You can always mention you'd rather he didnt come anyway since you two just got a new coffee table.


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

BadTableManor said:


> I have a question for those of you who've thrown an Adults Only party...
> First off, our last Halloween party was the first No-Kids-Allowed one we'd thrown, and I was SHOCKED at how low some of the moms had sunk in their attempts to guilt me into making an exception for their kids. I thought it was pretty crappy for someone who claims to be a friend tell me, after months of planning and hard work, plus untold- amounts of money, what to do at MY party.
> 
> So my question to you is: Have you lost, or at least had a strain put upon, a friendship due to this issue?



I'm replying really late, but to answer the question: yes, I have never heard from one person since the party invitations went out ('04). She didn't even bother with the guilt trip. Just - poof! It was like she never knew me.

At the time, only one person invited had a child. I knew it might be an issue, since the party was on a Sunday (even if she had her daughter that weekend, she'd have to get her back that evening), but I invited her, including a little note in the pre-invite (late August) saying that I hoped this gave her enough time to arrange a sitter. 

I'm really torn about upcoming parties. I love kids' parties, and have been toying with the idea of an afternoon carnival-style party, but really want to do a scary adult party as well. Since we don't have kids the latter makes much more sense. Is it our fault if none of the parents of the kids in our lives won't have a Halloween party?


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## BadTableManor (Sep 8, 2007)

Sorry to hear about your friend. That truly stinks.
As for your question, I'd do what makes you happiest. You are, after all, the one doing all the work and you deserve to enjoy the party too, no? 
Just remember - you can't please everyone. Now go have fun!


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

Thanks. Obviously, she wasn't such a great friend to just disappear like that. (I tried to get in touch later, but she just ignored my approaches.) I was actually expecting an argument from her, because she was the type to take her daughter everywhere. 

When we're in the position to actually _have_ the party, I can worry about it then. I get a little silly about Halloween, in that I love it and want everyone else to love it, and they just don't. As much as I love the idea of a kid's party, it just makes no sense for me to throw one. Maybe I'll alternate between adult-only and everyone's-welcome parties. 

I'm still sorry for resurrecting an old thread; however, I thought there were some really great suggestions here. I agree absolutely that the hosts have to think about all the guests, plus -- hey, it's their party. The responses along the lines of, "we're sorry you can't make it then," are the best ones. I'd have a similar response if a child-hating friend (fictional) wanted me to dis-invite all the kids for the family-friendly party.


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## Magickbean (Dec 6, 2007)

I know this is an old thread but I thought I would chip in (better late than never, right?) 

Last year my mum and I threw an adults-only party. Since pretty much everyone we invited were adults with no children or grown-up children, we didn't expect there to be an issue. The only people to consider were my brother & his wife, who relish the chance to have a night away from their toddlers, so that was fine, and my stepsister & her husband. My mum was very clear when she invited them (2 months in advance) that it was an adult's only party with drinking and adult games so it would not be appropriate to bring their 7 year old daughter and to make other arrangements for her. They said it would be fine, that she would stay at her friend's house that night. 

So, day before the party, we get a phonecall saying that they are bringing their daughter because the sleepover has fallen through and they have nowhere else to take her. My mum and stepdad tried to explain that this was an adult-only party and there would be no children for her to play with and that she was too young to participate in the drinking games etc. Well, my stepsister is a handful at the best of times - she constantly falls out with her dad over the slightest thing, and she is very controlling. At the hint that perhaps if they couldn't find a sitter, they should come another time, she went mental at him and said that she had bought and prepared over £50 worth of party food and bought all the paper plates, napkins etc. 

We were shocked to say the least - we had not asked her to do any of this?? Anyway, needless to say they caved in to prevent a family feud and they ended up bringing their daughter. To make matters even worse, my other brother decided to invite his work friend, who didn't RSVP, so not only did we not account for him but we certainly did not account for his wife and 2 very young children!!! They all turned up in costume and my mum was livid but couldn't turn them away. So we ended up with 3 young children running around bored out of their minds whilst their parents allowed them to get into everything. My stepsister's daughter is quite well-behaved but the other guy's kids were a nightmare. My mum had to tell him off several times for breaking things/making a mess and he was very rude - he kept buzzing round me and my friends and being quite spiteful at times and generally quite obnoxious. 

Urgh. Needless to say, we won't be inviting my brother's workfriend to any future parties *rolls eyes*.


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

I like it (not really) when people call up to tell you they're bringing other people -- more adult guests, kids that shouldn't be there, whatever. Reasonable people do one of two things: call and ask if it's okay (and take whichever response) or call and say they can't make it. Depending on the formality, of course: the first one really shouldn't be done if it's a catered event like a wedding reception or other head-count type thing. 

It's tough when you're co-hosting something and the other person caves, or just starts inviting random people! I think my husband might say that he had to check with his wife first, but I know that's not always the case. Heck, I had another family member (not a co-host) tell people "sure! bring the kids!" to our mostly no-kids wedding reception (our niece & nephews were invited, but that was it -- long story). I would agree that cow-orker shouldn't be invited back, but everyone should also know that it's not cool to just invite people at the last minute. 

Years ago, I had an incident where I was "stuck" with a teenager (my goddaughter) while on my way to an adult-only party. I called the hostess and told her the situation, and offered to escort the rest of the guests (from out of town) and then go, and she told me to bring my goddaughter & stay as long as I swore I'd keep her away from the drunks and out of trouble in general. A couple brought their young son (~8), although it was clearly an adult party, and just let him run wild. Our hostess was NOT amused. (We didn't stay long, and my group hung out in the garage pretty much the whole time. Goddaughter thought she had her own entourage.)


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## ylbissop (Sep 6, 2007)

Magickbean said:


> it would not be appropriate to bring their 7 year old daughter


I think this is one of the reasons formal invitations are good if you send them an invite and included is a note that the party is ADULTS ONLY and they don't listen it's really not your problem. we also send out invites to couples as "john doe +1" that way they know they have 2 spots. people will assume other things and stuff like this will happen but as long as your clear i think it's better to continue your party the way you planned if they are surprised that your cussing and drinking around their party crashing 7 year old and say something just point out that the party is adults only and there invite was for 2 people. if they call before hand just say I'm sorry your babysitter bailed but are you sure you want to bring jenny to a adult party like this? if they shrug it off "oh i'm sure it will be fine" then they obviously think their 7 year old is an adult. Perhaps they approve of their daughter witnessing something like this and if not maybe they will know better next time.


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

ylbissop said:


> I think this is one of the reasons formal invitations are good if you send them an invite and included is a note that the party is ADULTS ONLY and they don't listen it's really not your problem. we also send out invites to couples as "john doe +1" that way they know they have 2 spots. people will assume other things and stuff like this will happen but as long as your clear i think it's better to continue your party the way you planned if they are surprised that your cussing and drinking around their party crashing 7 year old and say something just point out that the party is adults only and there invite was for 2 people. if they call before hand just say I'm sorry your babysitter bailed but are you sure you want to bring jenny to a adult party like this? if they shrug it off "oh i'm sure it will be fine" then they obviously think their 7 year old is an adult. Perhaps they approve of their daughter witnessing something like this and if not maybe they will know better next time.


That's really the ideal situation, but people ignore that kind of stuff on party - and wedding - invitations all the time. I mean, it's hardly brain surgery! Your invite says you +1, it doesn't mean you +1 carload. All it does is show how inconsiderate the _guest_ is, of course, but some people are so self-centered that they might not notice or care. They may learn a lesson, may not. Some really obtuse parents would only care that they still got to attend the party, meanwhile, their child broke stuff/stole stuff/annoyed every guest/was traumatized. I've been to events, with or without booze, etc., where the parents look up a few hours later and say, "hey, where's my kid?" Fully expecting the other guests too look after and entertain them. Hopefully, we're not throwing parties where children would be in actual danger from the other guests, but if there is alcohol, people can get wild. Does everyone have friends that will break out into strip-teases or lap dances when they're drunk? (I used to -- don't hang out w/ them anymore.)

If this had happened at our party, it wouldn't have been the end of the world -- it was BYOB, but it ended up that even the people who brought booze didn't have any, and we ended up not picking out movies that were too violent/scary, so the child wouldn't have been traumatized. I don't know how the annoyance factor would have played out. In _our_ case, they would probably end up leaving early, frustrated, after we told the child for the 4th time to stop tormenting the cats, or messing with the breakable knick knacks, etc. Who knows how many guests would have decided to leave early as well?

A couple of the hosts in this thread simply put their foot down and said, "nope, no kids." Nothing wrong with that, either. It would take a backbone of steel to turn them away at the door, and I admire that. I'd probably end up saying something similar to what you suggested, then resenting the hell out of them the entire time, unless I knew there was going to be really scary stuff going down. In that case, I'd have to say, "I'm sorry you made the long drive, even after I told you that little Billy couldn't come, but he still can't come."


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

I can't believe I forgot this part -- the examples I used above actually happened. A couple that was invited brought their grandkids (who weren't invited) to a fairly wild birthday party. They dropped them off in the living room and disappeared, into the garage, to smoke pot for quite awhile. The older child was supposed to watch the younger one. but yeah, that didn't happen. The youngest one pretty much killed the party. He ate as much chocolate and drank as much Mountain Dew as he could manage, and the people who weren't smoking pot or drinking absinthe got stuck in the house, watching cartoons. Oh, and left early.


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## ylbissop (Sep 6, 2007)

melissa said:


> I can't believe I forgot this part -- the examples I used above actually happened. A couple that was invited brought their grandkids (who weren't invited) to a fairly wild birthday party. They dropped them off in the living room and disappeared, into the garage, to smoke pot for quite awhile. The older child was supposed to watch the younger one. but yeah, that didn't happen. The youngest one pretty much killed the party. He ate as much chocolate and drank as much Mountain Dew as he could manage, and the people who weren't smoking pot or drinking absinthe got stuck in the house, watching cartoons. Oh, and left early.


ok this kind of situation begs for you to break out the handcuffs and attach said children to those who brought them lol


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

I don't think those of us who stayed in the house knew what was going on with the grandparents. We found out about the pot later*, and just kept waiting for someone to come get the very hyped up kid. Our hosts (the birthday girl and her roommate) wouldn't say anything, so we were kind of stuck. I think enough pointed comments were made to the hostess that she finally went and said something, but I know I didn't stay as long as I would have. 

*I don't have a problem with it, if a) it's not in my house and b) kids aren't anywhere near it.


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## rockplayson (Jun 7, 2008)

I'd just say it's adulted themed, it would be best if it's just you and ___. It's not the kind of party for kids. Sorry. 

If they don't show who cares.


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## selz (Oct 19, 2007)

Haunted Host said:


> OKHaunting - your post was almost identical to my situation, all the way up to the <1 year-olds.
> 
> No kids at our party, period. The invitations state it and I have no problem telling people that it is "Adults Only and Costumes Mandatory". I tell them that if any of them show up in violation of either of these requirements, we'll close the door in their face... no matter the distance they've traveled. I'm not mean or rude about it. I'm just matter-of-fact, and those who know us, know that we'll do it. No one has tested us on either requirement yet. Actually, anyone who has made a comment to me about has said that they're relieved to have one night to themselves to hang out with friends. Both rules have become very popular especially with those who have no kids. Those who don't want to wear a costume, or don't want to come without their kids simply don't come... and we still had somewhere around 55 people last year. This year figures to be 65+.
> 
> ...


Hehe, after my own heart! My rule is also Costume Mandatory, those who fail to comply (and it happens every year) are then stood in the lawn and dressed in bin bags, which are sellotaped tight around them so that they can't easily squirm out of them. Most of them are effectivly humiliated, and return in fancy dress the following year. Of course, this year they will have even more incentive to play by my rules, as I'm arranging awards and prizes for the most original, least seasonal, best homemade and best overall costumes. We had Best Overall last year as our only prize, and everyone loved it, so were told there and then that they had a year to prep!


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## Aelwyn (Jul 8, 2008)

Wow!

There are two parties where I don't welcome kids. Hallowe'en (mainly because of drinking, and possibly spooky content), and Beltaine (this is May 1st and a fertility festival--I make chocolate penises, and have lots of phallic symbols everywhere, and it's basically drinking, debauchery, and dancing around a Maypole).

Not bad since I usually host a ritual/party every month (we have 8 Sabbats a year). All the others are kid friendly (Ostara/Easter is a hoot), just not those two. 

I haven't had an issue where people try to bring kids to Beltaine or Hallowe'en, which is good, because I WOULD turn them away at the door. We don't have children. I adore kids---as long as I can give them back when I'm done with them...LOL. My man hates children (except my one friend and her husband's little boy, who he adores and plays with...which is weird, because my man is very un-child-friendly). I'm likely unable to have children (due to various medical issues), but even if I COULD, I likely wouldn't anyways. So it's a mix of unable and childless-by-choice.

Our friends all know this and respect this. This is OUR house. We say who comes in, and if it's inappropriate content for children, I won't let people bring them, period. 

I always run things by my sis, who is an sociologist and Educational Assistant for primary disabled and DD kids. If she deems it's inappropriate for kidlets, no kidlets come.  She is also very bitchy, and would be sure to tell people to their faces if their parenting skills are lacking if their child misbehaves. LOL.


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

Aelwyn: I'll bet your sister would have some theories about people who insist that "my child goes everywhere I go; if s/he isn't welcome, than neither am I." (Which I've heard.) 

We're kid-free as well. Not really by choice, either. It just happened that way. (Health, age, etc.) Hub isn't used to kids -- never spent time with them, so he's okay with things the way they are. Not closed off to the idea of fostering or adoption some day, but otherwise.... I love kids, though! Some of my happiest memories come from when I was sort of co-parenting my goddaughter. I have eleven nieces and nephews - 5 bio, 6 honorary - and as much as I love them, and enjoy their company, I don't see the logic in insisting that they go EVERYWHERE. Luckily, neither do their parents. Some things are for kids, some are not.

ETA: Some kids are just fascinated by hubs, and could hang around him all day long. He can be quite entertaining. He doesn't get why, though.


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## halloweenbarb (Jun 9, 2008)

*other peoples kids*

sometimes the kids other people bring are not small kids... but just older very immature brats that act like little kids!


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

melissa said:


> Aelwyn: I'll bet your sister would have some theories about people who insist that "my child goes everywhere I go; if s/he isn't welcome, than neither am I." (Which I've heard.)





> 1. Narcissistic personality disorder (Doctor-reviewed Article)
> Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.
> Causes : The cause of this disorder is unknown. Narcissistic personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is marked by disregard for the feelings of others, grandiosity, obsessive self-interest, and the pursuit of primarily selfish goals.


In this case, the preoccupation is with her own [idea / belief] and insistant application of that [idea / belief] with total disregard for all others impacted.

I'm sure she thinks she is being the best of all parents by bringing her kids. She probably thinks others will learn from her grandiose example and will fall in line with her views for future parties. Could be her kids will never learn to be independent and will turn out even more narcissistic than she is.


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## melissa (Jul 23, 2004)

In my limited experience, the ones who have been the worst about this kind of thing have been men! It's only 2:1 -- one woman and two men that had this attitude. A roommate of mine dated a guy who insisted that she ride in the back seat b/c his 5-year-old son wanted to ride in the front.


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

The only reason I was gender specific was because I was addressing the "Sister" situation. Certainly her husband is either a willing or apathetic accomplish. Narcissism is definitely not a gender specific trait.


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## Aelwyn (Jul 8, 2008)

LT Scare said:


> In this case, the preoccupation is with her own [idea / belief] and insistant application of that [idea / belief] with total disregard for all others impacted.
> 
> I'm sure she thinks she is being the best of all parents by bringing her kids. She probably thinks others will learn from her grandiose example and will fall in line with her views for future parties. Could be her kids will never learn to be independent and will turn out even more narcissistic than she is.


So very, very true.

I think there are far more people out there with NPD than are actually diagnosed.


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## Aelwyn (Jul 8, 2008)

melissa said:


> In my limited experience, the ones who have been the worst about this kind of thing have been men! It's only 2:1 -- one woman and two men that had this attitude. A roommate of mine dated a guy who insisted that she ride in the back seat b/c his 5-year-old son wanted to ride in the front.


NPD effects a majority of men, but does occur in women---often women with children who utilize the children as a means of bringing attention to themselves.

Interesting, no? Just google it. Lots of info out there.


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## LT Scare (May 21, 2008)

In many ways my mother is much like the narcissistic Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. But she was never one to drag me around with her. In that regard, she backlashed from her parents and I became very independent. 

My Point is that NPD can manifest to different degrees in people and show in different ways. Plenty of NPDs do not have the "the-kids-gotta-come-along" syndrome. But when they get there without the kids, they do want as much attention as they can garner.


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## gennifyr (Aug 22, 2006)

I have two young children who will be upstairs with the babysitter during my party. In our case if they want to bring the kids they can chip in to pay our babysitter extra to watch theirs. No kids at the party.

In your case I think saying "not kid friendly" is leaving it up to the parents. Tell them that it's an adult only party and they'll have to leave the kids at home.


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## mysterymaiden (Aug 11, 2008)

I agree so far with what everyone has said. If you specifically said it was an adult-only party, he is automatically discounting your wishes. I would politely tell him that it is an adult party, and that a babysitter would be a great option if they would like to attend. Otherwise, as it is not a PG 13 environment, you will not be allowing kids in.

Besides, if this guy really cares about his kids, wouldn't he keep them from such things?! If you were all dressing up as Care Bears or Tele Tubbies, I could understand, but it sounds like it's going to get delightfully evil.

Thanks for the idea about the bathroom crime scene, by the way! I might just steal! haha


Leigh Clements
The Mystery Maiden
Shot In The Dark Mysteries.com


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## Nevarstar (Oct 23, 2006)

I agree with the general consensus of the thread. Its your party then you decide whether people should bring their kids. You have a responsiblity as a host or hostess to make sure your guest have a good time and one misbehaving person whether a child or adult can ruin a party.

I also agree with the teenage girl and drunk men do not mix well. As a teenage my mom taught me how to accidently spill grape soda (stains really well on a white uniform) or how to accidently elbow anyone who tried anything I didnt like.

When I was a kid, my parents allowed children at their parties because most of their friends could not really afford baby sitters. (My dad was enlisted in the Navyand my parents usually threw New Years Eve parties). As I got to the age where I babysat I started taking the kids to the movies. Living on base we could take the base bus to and from the movie theater. We usually saw two movies. I just had the parents pay the admisision price and provide a little candy money. My brother who is just a little younger helped keep track of the childern. Usually between 5 and 10 children. This of course would have been alot harder if we had lived out in town since someone would have had to drive us.

On another note, my mother is a firm believer that childern should be taught how to behave at while visiting other people. If we miss behaved we were corrected right away and if necessary we would leave. I remember my mother getting compliments on how well we behaved. I do not have any children of my own but I love children and it makes me sad when they are not taught how to behave and/or are neglected.


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## runswithvampires (Aug 12, 2008)

say no to kids..lol thats what i'm saying. No kids allowed . Emphsize ADULT party a million times.


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