# Guests at my last party have me so bummed out...



## Guest (Jan 25, 2013)

13ghosts, we have never had a halloween party. But if we did and enjoyed it and put as much into it as you do, yes yes yes we would continue to do so.

You cannot be to blame that other adults, even relatives, acted badly. Really, you can't control other adults, and people know that. I would reach out to my guests and let them know in a non-specific way that the people who were doing coke last year will not be at this year's party, if you decide to have one.

Like any Halloween party, haunt, celebration, etc, skipping a year or two sometimes gets you excited again. Sometimes it is best to let the year pass and do simple things like visiting a pumpkin patch going to somebody else's party, etc, and take the stress off yourself.

I did have a very close friend start to use heroin, and I was very hurt and mad as she changed in behavior and started to hang out with her drug buddies instead of me. Yes, I completely ended our friendship because her drug use became her life. At least your SIL and crazy guy are out of your lives.

Plus, who hasn't had a party spin completely out of control and go bad? Yeah, the drug friend and I had a party, and a camcorder a guest brought to take drunken video was stolen. I think parties sometimes just go bad and everybody just wants to forget it and move on. 

I really would just chalk it up to life and just do whatever I wanted at Halloween.


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## Scatterbrains (Nov 16, 2008)

If the problem is that you don't have time to do other stuff you want to do, then don't have a party.

I'm not understanding what all the drama is about with the cocaine users...these people aren't in your life anymore, so why are you letting them control it? If they're what's holding you back, then have the party.


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## chinclub (Oct 6, 2011)

I agree, don't let one bad night spoil your fun. If you enjoy doing the party then you should do it. You can't control what other people do, especially if you don't know they are doing it.


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## Guest (Jan 25, 2013)

Scatterbrains said:


> If the problem is that you don't have time to do other stuff you want to do, then don't have a party.
> 
> I'm not understanding what all the drama is about with the cocaine users...these people aren't in your life anymore, so why are you letting them control it? If they're what's holding you back, then have the party.


I am guessing the she is embarrassed that 2 guests made her party and home look like Scarface's Halloween Party/Cocaine Den, and wonders if people think she and her husband knew and approved of the drugs. 

13ghosts, I am guessing that is how you feel. I would be horrified if my SIL and a friend were doing drugs at my party, and I found out months later. I would def. think people may think I was allowing hard drug use at my party. Very embarrassing!


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## Trex (Nov 6, 2010)

Oh man, I would be so choked if I found out drugs were being used in my home by a family member and close friend....behind my back.....yikes!

I don't blame you for being disappointed and embarassed by their behavior. I do agree with Scatterbrains and Chinclub, if you enjoy having your party every other year then you should continue to do so, don't let their terrible actions ruin something you love. Hey you know a couple of well placed "creeped out, Halloween effigies" of...oh.....i dunno say.....resembling certain nasty "people" strung up, impaled, quartered (whatever you chose) in your front yard may make it very clear to your guests how you felt about their awful behavior.


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## Frankie's Girl (Aug 27, 2007)

OMG - cocaine? That would have freaked me out big-time. They would never be allowed in my house again if it was me. 

I did have an incident that really bummed me out back several years back. We had a friend that was apparently a black-out drunk alcoholic... and we didn't discover this fun fact until he showed up at our party. He came already drunk, with a half empty bottle of whiskey (that he was drinking on the way over - and yes, he drove himself), and then cracked open a full bottle of Jaggermeister and got so drunk he passed out on our floor. My husband spent the entire party drunk wrangling - we took away the bottles and hid them, and proceeded to serve him water and club soda over ice in a highball glass the rest of the night (after he woke up wanting to drink more). It took him half the glass each time to realize he wasn't drinking alcohol. We kept him there until 6 in the morning, and told him he wasn't leaving and kept making him drink water and coffee, but it was a battle to get him to stay even that long - and this was with me offering to drive him home and come get him to pick up his car the next day (I didn't drink anything) and offering him our couch and begging and pleading with him not to drive home. 

It was exhausting and terrifying and we told him if he ever got that wasted again at our house, he was getting the cops called on him if he tried to leave. Totally ruined how I felt about throwing parties and it took most of the year to get over the bad feelings that incident left with me. 

Fortunately, our friend group now doesn't drink heavily so we've not had that as an issue again. Don't let the few bad apples spoil your party spirit! I would tell the friends that left early that you just found out about the SIL and "friend" and how horrified you are and tell them that those people are never allowed back... and continue to throw your parties!


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## Ghost of Spookie (Sep 28, 2008)

I have never had anything like that happen or been to a party where something like that did happen. However I agree with everyone else on here, if you have the time and energy to host a party for you and your friends, then by all means look forward and have a good time. We can never do anything about the past except to try not to repeat it. Party On girl! Life's too short to miss out on some of the memorable moments of one's life and being with friends and family (well some of them in this case...) is part of what life is about.


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## Sublime Nightmare (Aug 2, 2009)

My husband and I used to have 2adult parties a year and we had somebody about 10 years ago actually dealing drugs in our guest room. I had just gotten my nursing license so I was very afraid of getting in trouble because of somebody I didn't really even know! ( he was a friend of a friend of a friend) Anyway, my husband kicked them out and we kept on partying. Our lesson learned was to be careful of who was invited from then on and we haven't had any issues since monitoring who showed up. It def did not stop us from hosting parties. It's too much fun!


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## 13ghosts (Aug 16, 2008)

Thanks so much everyone! 

Hollow, you seem to understand exactly what I'm thinking  I'm shocked and embarrassed that people would do this in my home. I wish someone would have come to me during the party. Or even shortly after. It bothers me that it has taken almost a year to find the truth out. I thought my friends would have known that I would never condone this. 

I knew everyone on here would make me feel better about my party. 

My son (who doesn't like Halloween, gasp!) also tried to encourage me to make a zombie display of our missing guests if I have this year's party.


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## xPUMPKiNxKiNGx (Jul 5, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I wouldn't want my guests doing illegal drugs in my home either.Worst part is that they are family members. Parties can be fun, but you need to make time for yourself to carry-out Halloween traditions like going to the pumpkin patch. If I were your guest I would take a tour of your house and compliment all your Halloween props and decor. Do what makes you happy and don't let others bring you down!


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## Haunted Dogs (Jun 15, 2007)

I love the zombie display idea...too funny and appropriate! I agree, have the party. We've been having Halloween parties for 11 years now, and there's been two times where there were issues. One time, a brother of a neighbor came and was leering at all the young women attending. We had several complaints, so the next year we invited the neighbors, but told them that he was not invited. They understood totally. I suspect they weren't surprised.

The other time was just two years ago. Another neighbor whom we don't really know came. She and her husband had come the year before without any problems. But this time, she came alone and apparently she was drunk before she even got to our place. I think she did lap dances on every single guy's lap, and tried to pick fights with all the women. It's a testament to what a great group we have that no fights ensued! She was finally escorted out by one of our other friends/neighbors, and when her husband brought her over two days later to apologize I told her that she would not be invited again. I guess she was spiraling out of control...very sad. 

We've had up to 70+ people at our place for the party, and many of them are people we don't know...just friends of friends. But our core group...our kids, and friends/neighbors and their kids are VERY protective of us and the event. You might try talking to some of your close friends and just ask them to help keep an eye on everything. It sure helps you to relax knowing that you have lots of eyes watching out for you. You might even ask the friends that were offended...tell them that you were too, once you heard what happened and that you would like their help in making sure nothing like that happens again. Hopefully that will help both you and them relax about it all. Good luck!


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## pumpkinpie (Jul 9, 2011)

I say have the party. I know you probably feel a bit embarrassed but you shouldn't be...you weren't the one doing the poor behavior. As for it happening in your home, the only one who should be offended is you and sadly no one gave you a heads up so you could remedy the situation during that moment. I say have your party and have a blast in spite of it. Those that care will come...those that opt out will surely be missed, but probably should have been more confident in your character in the first place. Don't feel like you owe anyone an apology, you weren't given the option to remedy the problem during the party...but clearly revoking any and all future invites shows your opinion of their behavior.


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## SaraB! (Jul 11, 2012)

Darlin that is terrible! I can understand being shocked and embarrassed! We had an (admittedly MUCH less serious but still) similar situation at our party two years ago. One of our guests (we did know him- he wasn't a 'friend of a friend'- but we weren't close) hung around by the bar and started making fun of people for drinking... for _drinking._ at a _Halloween Party._ It was in the vein of "I'm so superior I don't need booze to have fun dur hur hur." Now, we're not total drunks, but we enjoy our adult beverages, and it's totally not ok for someone to make our other guests uncomfortable. The issue was we didn't find out about it until after the party. We promptly disinvited him. We had another issue last year with the ex boyfriend of a guest showing up and she apparently didn't know and...it was a thing. 

Anyway my point is, the best way to erase something like this is to replace those memories with new ones. If you quit having your parties because of this, then all people are going to remember is "Wow, 13ghosts' parties were great til that time the guy brought all that blow." If you keep having them, and keep making them awesome, I guarantee it will soon be forgotten. 

As for the issue of not having time to do other fally things, we struggle with that in our house too- especially because we're also a Ren Faire family, and the last weekend of our local is typically the next-to-last weekend in October, the weekend before our party- AND I do business travel in October. This past year we got that problem licked and how. We went to a corn maze and the pumpkin patch and the Jack O'Lantern Blaze and did all those things we always wanted to do. The only way we managed was by sitting down in September, figuring out what we wanted to do, and scheduling it. Scheduling these things never sounds like superfun, but in the end, the party was the best we ever had and we felt WAY less stressed about it. 

Now that I've written you a book, I do hope that it helped at least a little. Keep your chin up, hon, it'll be ok.


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