# What you can say about your pumpkin....but not your girlfriend



## bfjou812

Wait til I clean this one out........


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## Druidess

This is one of my favorites


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## jrmullens

One of them you cut up with a knife, scoop out the insides and roast in the oven. The other you have to share it with.


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## BooBoo

The one I Picked is the smartest. I have another one but it's BAD.


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## BooBoo

Ok I'm board at work so here goes the Bad one. My pumpkin can have as many holes as I want.


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## Druidess

how is that different than...oh wait....you meant legally didnt you?


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## BooBoo

In some states, depends on where, how loud you are. So I'm told.


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## ter_ran

I will spend less for an artificial then a real live one!..... LOL!


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## pmpknqueen

BooBoo said:


> Ok I'm board at work so here goes the Bad one. My pumpkin can have as many holes as I want.


Oh that's hilarious haha


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## pmpknqueen

ter_ran said:


> I will spend less for an artificial then a real live one!..... LOL!


nice haha


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## pmpknqueen

Hows this one.....

Once it goes rotten by the end of the month, I can toss it out!


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## Caitsith

*girlfriend vs pumkins...lol*

I buy a bunch of 'em every year. When they go bad and get all mushy and green inside I throw them away or feed them to the pigs!
I apologize to any real girl friends out there...lol.  What? Too soon?


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## Caitsith

*Sure*

Sure you can buy one from me. I have a whole bunch more out back...


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## Caitsith

I know there's a pie eating joke in there somewhere but i think it would get deleted from the forum...lol.


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## maleficent

Woot! This one has lots of warts and scars!


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## Caitsith

*Faces*

That's the ugliest face I've ever seen. Let's carve a new one on the other side!


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## Druidess

if it only had a nice body itd b perfect


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## ter_ran

My last one was a very beautiful and perfect all around! LOL!



This thread is great! LMAO!


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## pmpknqueen

Caitsith said:


> Sure you can buy one from me. I have a whole bunch more out back...


Now that's funny haha


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## Druidess

Wait til i get her lit up...thats when the real fun starts (for you UKers lit up is an american term to mean being under the influence of mind altering substances FYI)


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## pmpknqueen

Druidess said:


> Wait til i get her lit up...thats when the real fun starts (for you UKers lit up is an american term to mean being under the influence of mind altering substances FYI)


I love that hahaha


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## Druidess

anybody else notice most of these favor the pumpkin?

That things huge Lets smash it to pieces


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## Caitsith

*Diet...*



Druidess said:


> anybody else notice most of these favor the pumpkin?
> 
> That things huge Lets smash it to pieces


Okay. To be fair...

In the last 6 months she's gained like a hundred pounds. But it looks real good on her... oh wait...lol.


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## Caitsith

*Fat*

Fat? No... you're just well developed!


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## Caitsith

*Heavy*

If you can gain 350 pounds by Halloween I'll love yu forever...

Okay. I guess thats all the fat jokes.


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## Gym Whourlfeld

I told you that the cheap sun tan lotion would make you look orange!
I found her, she had been laying around in a field for the last several months with a bunch of seedy characters. I think they are all inbreds!


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## Caitsith

*If i keep posting on this thread...*

there may be no forgiveness! oH WELL.


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## ter_ran

Oh no! I've made that hole to big!!


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## Caitsith

*Rolling along*

End of a conversation: "Yeah, it was really too bad. She was never the same after that. Damned hooligins! They stole her right off the front porch and rolled her down the hill."


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## Caitsith

My wife said I have to take you back to where I got you and get something more practical!


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## Caitsith

Wanna keep em happy? Fertilize fertilize fertilize. Thats all they really need.


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## Druidess

I think she needs another week or so out in the yard...shes just not quite right yet


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## pmpknqueen

Caitsith said:


> End of a conversation: "Yeah, it was really too bad. She was never the same after that. Damned hooligins! They stole her right off the front porch and rolled her down the hill."


This has got to be the best one lol


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## Caitsith

*Thanx*



pmpknqueen said:


> This has got to be the best one lol


I'm putting SOOOOO much effort into the girlfriend thread...maybe it's becauseIve been married for almost three decades...lol.


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## BooBoo

Round, Firm, Orange. Well a lighter Orange


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## pmpknqueen

Caitsith said:


> I'm putting SOOOOO mucj effort into the girlfriend thread...maybe it's becauseIve been married for almost three decades...lol.


Haha yeah...I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now  lol


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## Caitsith

What I'm going to do is put the two of you together and make a siamese twin joined at the head!


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## Crunch

ter_ran said:


> oh no! I've made that hole to big!!


lmfao!!!!! I love that one! :d:d:d:d:d:d


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## NOWHINING

shes too orange for me.


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## Caitsith

Once you start carving, they only last about a week.


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## Druidess

Caitsith said:


> Once you start carving, they only last about a week.


by far my favorite. I cant stop laughing


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## Caitsith

There is clearly something wrong with me that I think this way. But I guess that's what makes me so Halloween 24/7.


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## The Red Hallows

You can spill your guts to me anytime.


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## The Red Hallows

Your face is a little crooked.


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## pmpknqueen

It's the only time I actually LIKE that evil face you make


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## Druidess

just pick one theyre all the same


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## pmpknqueen

druidess said:


> just pick one theyre all the same


haha awesome


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## Caitsith

The Red Hallows said:


> You can spill your guts to me anytime.


Now THAT'S funny!!! But don't you mean ON me???


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## tekcor1

That time of the month is coming around. YES!!!


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## The Red Hallows

You smell funny.


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## The Red Hallows

I'm not sticking one finger in there... it's rotten! 

<naughty, I know. I'll be good from now on>


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## pmpknqueen

The Red Hallows said:


> I'm not sticking one finger in there... it's rotten!
> 
> <naughty, I know. I'll be good from now on>


naughty is funny though haha


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## pumpkinheadedskeleton

My pumpkin doesn't, complain, judge me, talk on the phone, ask me where I've been or ask me other stupid questions.


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## pmpknqueen

pumpkinheadedskeleton said:


> My pumpkin doesn't, complain, judge me, talk on the phone, ask me where I've been or ask me other stupid questions.


Haha....needless to say pumpkins aren't bad drivers either.....

Was that too harsh? I mean, I am a girl....but....haha


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## kevin242

my pumpkin makes a great pie, my girlfriend burns water.


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## Caitsith

Add a little cinnamon, nutmeg, brown sugar, and allspice and you'll taste pretty good...


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## Gym Whourlfeld

*Excitement or Romance?*

"You have been pretty quiet, Dear, something wrong? I couldn't help but notice that you have gained some weight lately...it's beautiful night for a drive, a slight chill in the air, just perfect for having the top down. I'm up for a little excitement, how about you? As we drive down Center Street why don't you sit on the trunk lid as we go passed my Ex's place? Sure, we will get her attention, won't we? Here we come, we are almost there, now do me a big favor and roll off the back of the car and smash yourself right in her driveway, OK?"


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## Tonguesandwich

When you were young you were so firm...now you are all mushy with fuzzy hair coming out of the weirdest places...and the smell! You haven't aged well! (This actually what my wife says to me)


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## pmpknqueen

Here, let me help you take your top off


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## tekcor1

Here, let me help you take your top off...with this huge knife!


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## kevin242

she told me she was "on the patch".


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## pmpknqueen

kevin242 said:


> she told me she was "on the patch".


HAHA i laughed out loud at this for real


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## TheEighthPlague

She's got a hard outer shell, but once you break inside, she's all empty inside, but the other one is orange and round.


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## TheEighthPlague

OMG, you have a *STEM!?*


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## TheEighthPlague

After Halloween, I get to kick your face in!


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## TheEighthPlague

I cut her up to give her some character, then I put a lit candle in her and set her out on the front walk to scare my neighbors kids.


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## TheEighthPlague

Your smile just isn't right, I need to throw you in the compost heap and pick a new one.


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## Mister P

im gonna put you just here so your ugly face keeps the kids away from the house........now wheres that pumkin????


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## ter_ran

I didn't expect to find all this seed inside you! Just nasty!


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## psycocat

*who?*

I spend 364 days making sure your bed is not too soft, not too firm, keeping the wild animals away from you, making sure you dont sunburn, feeding you, making sure you have plenty of water. And for WHAT!? , one night of fun.


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## TheEighthPlague

psycocat -- too funny!


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## rebeccaowen

That pumpkin is big and round (probably already been said)


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## Deviant

I will have a better one next year lol


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## The Red Hallows

*I like you chunky!*


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## TheEighthPlague

Those _warts _look* AMAZING*.


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## The Red Hallows

The wrinkles make you look more scary.


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## TheEighthPlague

A bunch of teenaged guys kicked in your face and threw you in the gutter. It's all good though, I was pretty much done with you anyways.


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## pumpkinheadedskeleton

TheEighthPlague said:


> A bunch of teenaged guys kicked in your face and threw you in the gutter. It's all good though, I was pretty much done with you anyways.



Oh man! My favorite one so far!!


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## TheBoogieMan

When I first picked you out , you seemed perfect , with that fat and flat bottom of yours with no signs of mold anywhere . And those nice little bumps in just the right places . But now , after I get you home , I keep turning you around and it all seems the same .... one side looks just like the other . Oh well , you'll still be good to eat


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## christinejoel

LOL! But that still sounds innocent


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## Count Chocula

only costs me $0.25/lb


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## CaliforniaMelanie

kevin242 said:


> she told me she was "on the patch".


BWAH ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## DeadED

When you turn rotten I'm gonna stomp you in the ground!


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## Terror Tom

She was nothing special until I carved her up and scooped out the guts.


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## Gym Whourlfeld

*You have extreme calm*

..and patience...to just stare out into space day after day..and then not even swat at those bugs flying in and out of your nose and mouth!
(And EYES!)


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## pumpkinheadedskeleton

You'd look a lot better if I cut a hole out in the back of your head and then stick a lighted road flare in it.


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## aidanspa

Man you weigh a ton! Good thing I brought a truck to get you home...


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## aidanspa

This won't hurt a bit...trust me.


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## jokersall

You know once tonights over im gonna eat your pie


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## CaliforniaMelanie

Okay, look, I'm really thrilled that you brought this to me, but...I would swear it was way bigger last year. I'm not complaining. I'm NOT complaining. Oh, come on, baby, don't be that way...oh God, now he's gonna sulk all night...


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## jokersall

you really arent that bright tonight are ya


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## WeirdRob

I hope your face doesn't scare all of the trick or treaters away.


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## Eagle Frankenstein19

You can see mine in the dark.


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## jokersall

i hope you dont mind that i brought your twin home last night


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## jokersall

Let me wipe that brown stuff of ya backside and we can get started.


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## MissMandy

This one has a flat backside


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## MissMandy

Ugh....this hole is far too big


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## MissMandy

Didn't you wipe it clean first?


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## hollowscreamer

try another hole and see if its smaller


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## Gym Whourlfeld

*So big...*

I can't lift... it, I'll just roll you to where I want you to be.
OH! Why didn't you warn me there was a soft spot there!
What is that smell?
The good thing is I can show you with the rotten side down and nobody will know.
I'll just cut a distracting smile into your face.


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## neka4ok




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## Fancy Dress

The skins a bit rough and wrinkled.


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## divinedragon7

Hey check it out i can fit my head in the hole!


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## divinedragon7

When weighing over 1000 lbs. being covered in warts and having misshapen lumps is a good thing


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## divinedragon7

a little off topic but something you can say about both of them, if you steal them from a farm a farmer will chase you with his shot gun


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## kfinley

lol. probably


Caitsith said:


> I know there's a pie eating joke in there somewhere but i think it would get deleted from the forum...lol.


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## Ravenfell Manor

"After months of just sitting around getting bigger, someone really should have turned you cause your bottom is all flat. "


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## diggerc

Should I take off the bottom or the top.


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## diggerc

I want as many as I can get for the night.


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## diggerc

Over ripe.


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## diggerc

The neighbor's face is better this year.


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## diggerc

I should do you outside where the mess wont be such a hassle.


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## diggerc

Sagging and drooping so soon?


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## diggerc

There is only one good side.


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## diggerc

Uh oh your patch in infested with something.


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## diggerc

Once you go Jack you cant go back.


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## diggerc

I'll need a fork lift to take you anywhere.


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## diggerc

Your face looks better with the lights off.


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## diggerc

Why not use one that plugs in instead of wasting batteries.


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## celiaorirene

haha, funny!


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## GhostDownUnder

I am laughing out loud at this - hysterical!


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