# Church to burn pile of candy unless Halloween is canceled



## Sad Face

Came across this forum by accident after someone posted a link to it on facebook today and felt I would spread the humor. 

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=47

Apparently this church believes Halloween is Satan's birthday and has prohibited its members from participating in it.

They have one topic where they admit to stealing Halloween decorations from people's houses:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=50688

An article about how yard haunters are all perverts and kidnappers:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=51396



> As outlined in the previous reasons these Yard Haunters are nothing more than a group of social outcasts and sex offenders, cast aside by society and left to live a life in the shadows. Due to watching hours of child porn, horror movies, and internet snuff films, these people have created a sick fantasy world in their heads that manifests itself on Halloween when such sick behavior is looked at as normal. Due to years of watching videos of people being beheaded by terrorists, these people see decapitated and tortured bodies when they close their eyes, they see zombies rising from the grave to feast upon the living in their dreams, and they wish that they lived on a farm in the middle of Texas so teenagers that ran out of gas will be marooned on their property to be slaughtered in a horrific manner. On Halloween these fantasies take shape as they construct their vile dreams into a reality. To many parents it looks like Halloween fun, but in reality it is the work of mentally-ill people that can no longer tell the difference between the fright films they love and reality. Why would you want people like this around your children?


They're even planning on burning a giant pile of Halloween candy on October 31st "Unless Halloween is officially canceled and outlawed in the United States." http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=52190

I can't help but think a few of them are trolls, but with the amount of posts and the years they've been posting on it...I can't imagine that they're ALL trolls. Either way it's still hilarious/disturbing that there are people like this in the world.


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## Frankie's Girl

It's a satire site. Landover Baptist is a fake church and they do funny things like this all the time as a parody of the extremes of fundamentalist Christianity . 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church


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## Slarti

Hee, yeah, here I was about to get all offended and then I saw the URL was for Landover -- it's total satire. They're super funny.


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## straud13

ROFLMAO! When i was a kid, people believed that playing Dungeons and Dragons was a form of devil worship. Its good to see those people are still keeping active with their crazy beliefs.


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## Thegardenofshadows

*Is this for real ???*

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=51396 
I came across this on accident and couldnt belive what i was reading.


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## Nepboard

Wow! Just when you think you have seen it all. I see he has quite a following on his thoughts, three.


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## The Red Hallows

Haha... I like that. It's funny.


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## Count Chocula

No, it's not real 

as discussed in the humor section in the forum, its a satire site

they make fun of extremist fundamentalist christian types and such

some funny stuff on that forums


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## nunyabidness

*Don't you just love them?*

How I wish he was my neighbor, I simply love making **** like that miserable.


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## The Red Hallows

Not real, see the discussion in the humor section.


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## Count Chocula

TK 421's Mill Creek Haunted Hallow is the second picture shown there lol, but they need a updated pic of it, missing a lot of his new stuff


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## Johnson724

Yeah, at first I was "What the hell"....I gotta join this site gonna speak my mind...then I read some of the other threads...funny stuff


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## Sleepersatty99

wow that really had my blood boiling Till i read more then i read more on here. Now im laughing. HA HA HA HA HA HA lol


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## Jmurdock

Count Chocula said:


> No, it's not real


Oh thank goodness, for a second there I thought I might be a perverted shut in with a wide girth!! Phewwww that was close!


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## Terror Tom

That is funny! And disturbingly scary at the same time...


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## Scaranda

I went to a church that was actually like this as a child. They would probably try to burn me if they knew I now work at a haunted house and adore zombies, lol.


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## Thorn Kill Creek

Count that's what I thought too. TK's stuff rocks. Has he been on much this season? I loved his Masoleum tutorial. The Landover site is hilarious.


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## Mandathewitch

LOL... the picture with the 'Cider Shack' is TK421's house....


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## Shocktherepy

hahahahaha we found this site and thought everyone might like it lmao


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## Count Chocula

Thorn Kill Creek said:


> Count that's what I thought too. TK's stuff rocks. Has he been on much this season? I loved his Masoleum tutorial. The Landover site is hilarious.


I have not seen him on in the past couple months, hope he's too busy outdoing himself. His haunt is always great.


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## killerhaunts

Mandathewitch said:


> LOL... the picture with the 'Cider Shack' is TK421's house....


I recognized it right away!! LUZERs!


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## Darth_Tippy

Man I'm happy I went to the site first it gave me a great laugh. I especially like the little icons by there name. The sad thing is there are people that are actually like this. My wife works with a lady who was coming over to our house to visit saw the yard haunt and turned around and left. She called my wife and said the DEVIL lives in her house. My wife said "no that's just my husband"


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## Mandathewitch

Darth_Tippy said:


> Man I'm happy I went to the site first it gave me a great laugh. I especially like the little icons by there name. The sad thing is there are people that are actually like this. My wife works with a lady who was coming over to our house to visit saw the yard haunt and turned around and left. She called my wife and said the DEVIL lives in her house. My wife said "no that's just my husband"


LMFAO. Awesome.


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## ter_ran

Unbelievable! Those are true blind pathetic racist! This is crazy in our current day and age! They need to grow up and go to a new library! Lol! I can't believe that someone would actually promote vandelism and still say they are a person of faith(God's children)... What a crock of trash they are preaching! 

Hope their neighbors spiderweb their yards and place some low cost tombstones from a dollar store on halloween night! Lol!


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## obsessedjack

This guy watches two and a half men...wow....says it all right there. what a ****...lol.


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## obsessedjack

Wow this guy sounds like the perverted one if you ask me....


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## Wolfman

Yeah, I noticed the "Cider Shack" too! This is just some Bible Thumpers' idea of humor, pay them no mind.


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## Frankie's Girl

All of you that didn't get see the other posts.... the site is a joke - they are making fun of the small-minded fundamentalist religious nuts. They are not a real church or even a real town that they are supposedly located in... it's supposed to be funny.


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## JohnnyAppleseed

*This Guy Is Crazy!*

Ok guys, pulled this from a discussion on FB by some haunters....the amazing thing is the second pic I recognized as our own TK421's haunt.....read this idiots post and stand amazed, I'm rolling laughing and jaw on the floor at the same time. http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=51396&ref=nf


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## texmaster

Holy crap (pun intended)

I consider myself a strong Christian but this guy is an embarrassment.

John 8:7 is a verse he really needs to read for the first time, again 


I'm still trying to figure out where they get "Satan's Birthday" It certainly isn't from the Bible.


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## rockplayson

Some people really need to find a girlfriend. 
Freehold,Iowa is a place I would love to visit and reek havic.


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## LonnieC

maybe his story is just a reflection of his life....it's very detailed.....creepy bastard......


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## Vai

[post no longer relevent]


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## RJ1984

This is why I say religion is the most pointless thing you could ever be part of. No offense to anyone on here. People like that should be shot so their god can turn them away for being douchebags. End rant/


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## obsessedjack

It's funny how the guy that comments below talks about handing out pamphlets to people and then goes and vandalizes their lawn. Doesn't sound like a christian thing to do...just sayin'.....and where does he get the Satan's birthday thing from? Never heard of that in my life. I love it when these people try to back their beliefs based on things that aren't even in the bible...just wow...


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## alucard

You're right! That guy is CRAZY! Who would post such a thing?


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## ZombieRaider

For someone that's suppose to be spreading joy and cheer and love, he sure has a very dark side to him.....All I have to say is they are going to be in for a big surprise when they call the cops after doing all that destruction to my private property....Then when the cops are done with them, we are going to civil court....They may not like what I do but they better know their limits of what exactly they are allowed to do...Nuff said....ZR


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## malibuman

I have no words for this idiot.


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## Madame Leota

It's not intended to be taken seriously. Apparently it's a "humorous" site, although it's missing the mark somewhat.

I knew I'd seen the pic of "The Cider Shack" before but I had no idea whose it was.


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## Sauron the Great

Sad this guy really is, he just has no clue. I have children of my own, 4, 3 grandchildren so this guy to even suggest I am a child molester is sickening! Sadly this guy has brainwashed followers who live to hear every one of his sickening word. I wish he would come to my house, as I would dig a basement just to take him into and show him the horrors I dwell upon my visiting ToTers. Sad, pathetic hypocritical, lonely, lost soul he really is.


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## HellsKitchenette

It's a parody site--but it took awhile to be sure!


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## CaliforniaMelanie

LonnieC said:


> maybe his story is just a reflection of his life....it's very detailed.....creepy bastard......


That's what *I* was thinking. I mean he goes into such deliciously horrified detail...it's...kind of gross the way he puts things, the way he's thought it all out and how he has exact mechanisms for each thing he claims *other* people...the "bad" people...are doing.

You really have to wonder.

So were the answers funny/sarcastic? I couldn't tell. I thought maybe the members were all kidding around.


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## CaliforniaMelanie

HellsKitchenette said:


> It's a parody site--but it took awhile to be sure!


Oh, okay...gotcha! Thanks.


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## texmaster

HellsKitchenette said:


> It's a parody site--but it took awhile to be sure!


Good. My faith is restored


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## halloween_sucks_in_the_uk

I may be a shut in but I aint no kiddy fiddler! My Husband will find that site hilarious 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church


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## kittyvibe

CaliforniaMelanie said:


> That's what *I* was thinking. I mean he goes into such deliciously horrified detail...it's...kind of gross the way he puts things, the way he's thought it all out and how he has exact mechanisms for each thing he claims *other* people...the "bad" people...are doing.
> 
> You really have to wonder.


I was thinking this too and was just mortified/ pissed. But towards the end of the article I found myself laughing out loud at how over the top ridiculous the article was and thought, surly this must be a satire, buuuut I think he overdid it. 

Not funny, "wide of girth"? umm, he looks pretty chubby and red faced to me, maybe hes the one with these sick fantasies of child molestation. 

Hoping no kids come to his door while his fat @ss eats a whole bag of sweets ALONE, HEs the friggin shut in. jerk, not funny dude.


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## huggybear

I still dont see the humour in it lol ...i must be missing it...i'm sure out there somewhere , someone really thinks this way.Things like this remind me why i'm an atheist


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## halloween_sucks_in_the_uk

huggybear said:


> I still dont see the humour in it lol ...i must be missing it...i'm sure out there somewhere , someone really thinks this way.Things like this remind me why i'm an atheist


Well said, I found it insulting to Halloween lovers!


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## jackpot

I look at it and all I can think is...next year I'm building a cider shack.


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## Uruk-Hai

I saw the site last night and thought it was horrible/pathetic/hilarious all at the same time. If it is meant as satire I guess it's a sad commentary on the state of things that we believe that it is true. Sorry to say but I do think there are people like that out there and I'm VERY glad I don't have one living next to me.


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## gurninman

Must admit, I read the forum, and then looked at the home page and have been laughing about it ever since.Absolutely brilliant stuff !


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## CraigInPA

Until I read the homepage of the "church" and realized it was a complete parody, I was actually horrified to believe that some people actually believed that home haunters are all pedofiles.


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## katshead42

WOW so very lame. I like how they call haunters "shut ins". I think shut in wouldn't build something to attract people and attention to themselves.


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## katshead42

CraigInPA said:


> Until I read the homepage of the "church" and realized it was a complete parody, I was actually horrified to believe that some people actually believed that home haunters are all pedofiles.


hahah I read this comment after my last post. PS this is awesome "Master Debater-- Has Never Been Defeated in a Debate"


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## CreepySpiders

omg, ROTFL, Satan's birthday ? bwahahahahah
I wonder how many sex slaves he has in his basement?


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## CreepySpiders

jackpot said:


> i look at it and all i can think is...next year i'm building a cider shack.


"like" =)


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## Mordessa

LOL!! Ok, when I first started reading this article I have to say I was totally shocked and disgusted about being called a perverted shut-in by some narcissistic pseudo Christian loud mouth. It's sad that something like this could actually be so easily mistaken for a serious point of view in today's society because there are so many absolutely bizarre people and groups coming out of the woodwork these days.

I was getting offended by this article, and awestruck by this man's audacity until I read further in this thread that it was a spoof. lol And THEN I looked at the header of the page of that article! ROFL!!!

"Guaranteeing Salvation since 1620!!!" LOL!!! "Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome!" LOL!

I must say I'm very relieved that this is actually a joke, and that the people who responded to it were also joking. I only read a few of the responses, but the one guy saying that his parents dressed him as John the Baptist and then made him go door to door handing out tracks, then smashing all their decorations... and the guy saying that his parents would trap the heathen children who came knocking on their door inside the house and make them listen to somebody preaching until 11:00 or something... 

Those would be some MESSED UP people if that were true!! LOL


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## bloodymaniac

wow keep reading this forum these people are sick there destroying peoples stuff there halloween stuff wow people are stupid


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## lisa48317

If you look at the little icons under his name, he's got a "Super Soaker Baptism Award" LOL!

So according to this guy, all other christians except a "Bible Believing Baptist Church"- goer is a pathetic shut in???


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## Slarti

"The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church

I'm amazed that this thread keeps getting comments taking this seriously!


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## katshead42

Slarti said:


> "The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States."
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church
> 
> I'm amazed that this thread keeps getting comments taking this seriously!


hahah Yeah at first I was offended but the more I read the funnier It was.


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## Crunch

I too was getting annoyed about the ruining Halloween thread, but also was getting a little laugh. Thankfully it's satire.. I was getting a little red there for a minute.


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## Gym Whourlfeld

*BBC said..*

There is an army of rag-tag killers and rapists running around in two or more countrys in Africa and their leader says the only law is the ten commandments and this is what he follows!?
(Maybe he's reading between the lines or in the margins?)
Ignore such graffitti!
Manipulating people through inuendo and fear-mongering took place locally about 20 years ago when a traveling preacher told a group of 120 very faithfull parishioners that the odds say there would be at least 2 satanists here today in your congregation!
BS! Not in this village!
I asked satan, he didn't know what I was referring to, but he had a file growing by leaps and bounds concerning that "preacher"!
hahaha!


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## Ecula

*Haha  That "raped by a ghost" thing was hilarious!*


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## GiggleFairy

Frankie's Girl said:


> It's a satire site. Landover Baptist is a fake church and they do funny things like this all the time as a parody of the extremes of fundamentalist Christianity .
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church


OMG thank you for clearing that up! This is the first time I've looked at that site and thought surely this is a hoax! I mean I know there are idiots in the world, but for so many to be gathered in one place???? LOL!


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## Thom_Serveaux

Y'see the part that troubles me is that there are people out there who will read that *[sarcasm]*'brilliantly written satire'*[/sarcasm]* and not recognize it for what it is, tripe... (IMHO)

Just like some people think that pro-wrestling is real. I mean, think about it, or better yet, go back over this very thread. Count how many times a member gets done explaining that its' from a 'satire site', only to have someone else comment on it as though it was real.

For any humor to be funny, it has to have at least some element of truth to it. The longer the piece went on, the further distorted the claims became the less and less funny it became(for me, anyway). Makes me wonder if this writer doesn't harbor the same loathing of religion that Bill Maher does...


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## ZombieRaider

Thom_Serveaux said:


> Y'see the part that troubles me is that there are people out there who will read that *[sarcasm]*'brilliantly written satire'*[/sarcasm]* and not recognize it for what it is, tripe... (IMHO)


I'm a very sarcastic person and at first read, I thought it was real and Yes- I know wrestling is fake .....As for it being too extreme to be believable, I'd like to agree with everyone but unfortunately this is what the world has come to.....Most churches aren't that extreme but there are a few that really raises your eyebrows from time to time....There are 2 that made headlines not long ago that come to mind immediately.....
1- Burning the Quran group - That won't help the troops overseas and just announcing such a thing caused deaths though I don't think any soldiers were affected...It still caused someone's death.
2- The group that is currently in the Supreme court for picketing fallen soldiers funerals...."Thank God for dead soldiers"...WTF!!!????
So Yeah...I fell for it as being real....ZR


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## Pumpkin King

Roflmao!!!!! :d


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## ghostsandcostumes

Hilarious, I was wondering there for a minute, then noticed it wasn't real, if it was a true story I would of rolled off of my chair while I LMAO!!


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## SweetnScary

I checked out the website forum for the Narrow-minded Bible thumpers crowd. Very amusing! Clearly their drinking the tainted kool-aid (sacrificial wine anyone?). I guess I'm going to Hell in their minds, welp, I'll see you all there.


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